There’s Going to be a Blackout
I’m absolutely certain that next weeks activities will make it very difficult for me to follow the Twins against Toronto and Anaheim. So this week I’ve been trying to front-load as many chances to see the Twinks play small ball as I can fit into the schedule. Unfortunately, it’s next to impossible to catch a game on the tube in this town. Thanks to a dispute between Victory Sports and my Cable Company, there has been a complete blackout of games here in the Twin Cities. Only a few select bars have used nefarious tactics and handed out large bribes to secure secret pipelines to Victory’s play-by-play. I know because I spent the better part of Monday night in an intense bar-crawl trying to get the hook-up. It was a miserable failure on all accounts. The bars around by immediate hood are the worst, most loathsome dives I have passed through. One bar features the entire rear-end of a ford pick-up as its awning. Huge american flags greet you at the front door. The dregs that patronize this bar are a slovenly bunch that glare at you from their interactive trivia councils. Its got all the makings of a low-rent sports bar but apparently management has spent all their money on quasi professional Karaoke singers and video trivia and they haven’t paid off the Victory Sports mob. Bottom-line: no twins. I was entertained only slightly by a guy who looked like a cross between William Hung and Louis Anderson singing Karaoke style Foo Fighters and some other terrible song that was about this guy wanting to fuck “Stacy’s mom”. That place should be firebombed. Another beefy guy got up and dedicated his rendition of The Chilli Peppers “Under The Bridge” to ‘People who love football’. No shit. I kid you not. I’m certain that, had Anthony Keidies heard this, he would quit making music forever.

The light at the end of the tunnel seems to be that all these Twins fans grumbling about not being able to see their ball club has made things uncomfortable for Gov. Pawlenty, who is attempting to rally support for his stadium bill(s). You can’t sell bacon to people who hate pigs. I’m looking for Pawlenty to step in and solve this matter fast before I have to step foot in another bar where clearly I am not wanted. Until he does though, here is a list of bars that have signed on with the mob and show Twins games.

Bunny’s Bar & Grill, 5916 Excelsior Boulevard, St. Louis Park
Park Tavern Lounge & Lanes, 3401 Louisiana Avenue, St. Louis Park
Sports Page, 9014 Lyndale Avenue South, Bloomington
Loon Cafe, 500 1st Avenue North, Minneapolis
Joe Senser’s, 3010 Eagandale Place, Eagan
Joe Senser’s, 4217 West 80th Street, Bloomington
Joe Senser’s, 2350 Cleveland Avenue, Roseville
KFAN Restaurant, 2801 Snelling Avenue, Roseville