Experiments on Cats
Do cats understand the notion of ‘Freedom’? I’m guessing no. Even so, our two little fur muppets have been feeling somewhat revolutionary as of late. Could have something to do with Fidel Castro feeling a bit under-the-weather these days? Perhaps the cats felt some of the deeper seismic shifts in the geo-political landscape? Or maybe they just yearn to stuff their noses down mole holes. Whatever the case – the cats want out! This ‘being-an-indoor-cat-shit just ain’t cutting it for ’em anymore. It’s been pretty tragic really. They spend their days, glued to the screen door, gazing out on lawns they’ve never felt the touch of. You walk buy them and they give you that sad cry that says, “why not?”. God-forbid the misses and I are outside together. Then the chorus of cries is positively heartbreaking.
So, we made the big, BIG step this weekend to begin to transition these guys to the great outdoors. It hasn’t been easy. First, I went to the pet shop and got ’em some dope necklaces with bells and pink name tags (to keep my masculinity in check I blasted Iron Maiden in the car all the way).
The necklaces didn’t go over so well. Nope. Not at all. Ungrateful little…
Luckily as soon as the door was opened and they were allowed to go at it, they quickly forgot about the necklaces. They took to the yard with serious reservations tho. They kept one eye on us the whole time, like we were playing some dirty trick and at any moment were going to start chasing them with four foot chain-saws.
Layla disappeared into a dense bush and my heart sank (Note to future self: Man, if this is anything like letting your kids go off to college or to summer camp, your shit’s going to be a wreak). One minute later, Layla comes back out of the bush with a mouse hanging from her mouth!! Wow – The animal instinct – you just can’t fight it. It’s what these creatures were meant to do.
My biggest problem right now is a certain Enemy Cat that belongs to the neighbors behind us. He’s big, dark gray and seriously aggro. My cats, sweet and small, will be lounging innocently around the yard when all of the sudden the Enemy Cat will jump up and and make an appearance on the back fence post. All heads turn in unison. If you listen closely, you can hear that whistle from the theme song to ‘The Good The Bad & The Ugly’. So yeah, there’s already been some epic border battles between the forces of good and evil. Actually, this morning, I had the back door ajar and at one point saw Enemy Cat poking his head inside. Serious security breach.
Of course, you have to go all or nothing with this outdoor thing. The entire backyard is fenced off from all neighbors and the front yard. But that’s no real deterrent to a determined cat. It’s hard but you have to just accept the fact that they’re going to be able to go wherever, whenever. This is something we are working at slowly.
Bonus: Bob Nanna (ex Hey Mercedes & Braid) makes great mini-songs based on Threadless T-shirts.
Three House (song / shirt),
I Hate Stripes (song / shirt).
He’s got 92 of ’em so far. Amazingly, he’s written these songs while going through Chemo for lymphoma.