Mole Archaeologist
The latest critter(s) to breach the fortified perimeter of The Skelton Ranch is the dirty little mole. This burrowing night-raider is tearing up my lawn with its fossorial forefeet, leaving long trails of winding mini speed bumps and sporadic craters all throughout the backyard. One morning, on a day after I had recently mowed, I went out to find the property looking as if it had been hit by a small aerial attack over night. Completing this half-baked war-torn simile I discovered, sitting precariously on the mouth of one of these craters, the small green matchbox car pictured above. Casualties! I guess the mole had no use for this previously buried toy treasure and offered it up as a testament to its fearlessness and tenacity.

Although the mole is basically blind, he is gifted with an acute sense of hearing. So, I’m going to take a page out of the Pentagons military plan in Panama (they tried to coerce Manny Noriega to give himself up by blasting him with Guns ‘n’ Roses’ “Welcome To The Jungle”). The Super Sonic Molechaser is a little missile shaped stick you plug in the ground. It emits a 300Hz tone every 15 seconds that eventually drives the moles a bit nutty. I don’t want to hurt ’em. My ultimate goal is to drive them deep into my neighbors yard (NIMBY).