Congratulations are NOT in Order
I can think of a number of accomplishments that people should be congratulated for: a job promotion, the birth of a child, a graduation, winning a Skee Ball tournament at the local Chuck E Cheese, Bill Murray hitting an eagle on 18 yesterday at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am. Those are all major life achievements that deserve applause and praise.
And yet, last night after purchasing a very ordinary kitchen knife from Williams-Sonoma, the retail lady closed the transaction by handing me my bagged good while offering “Congratulations”.

I was stunned folks. I half turned my head and stole an upward glance at the ceiling half expecting a cascade of balloons to be dropping. Had I won a prize, a shopping spree perhaps? Was I the one millionth customer? God, I’ve never won anything before. I returned my gaze to the sales lady who continued to stare at me with a frozen smile. “Um, congratulations for what?”, I asked.

“Ah, for the knife”, she replied quickly. (Awkward silence, pause, uncomfortable awkward silence).

“I see, yes, well thank you…I suppose.” I said as I retreated slowly on my heals.

Perhaps buying a home or a yacht or say you bought a whole island, something with large coconut trees on it…yeah, now that’s something that might deserve a high five and a congratulatory remark. But a knife? Congratulations on the purchase of your knife?!? No! That just doesn’t work. “Thank you for making a purchase at our store.” That works. I’m hoping that this was a one time fluke and not the company policy. It’s probably safe to say the sales lady was a bit daunted by my winning smile and stylish taste in cutlery. I suppose after I left she slapped her forward and cursed herself under her breath, “Jill. You. Are. An. Idiot!” Yup, I’m sure that’s how it went down.

Bonus: The Occasional Diary Entries of German Director Werner Herzog