Lessons Learned

Lesson one:
When you’re at the video rental store and the misses instructs you to pick up some microwavable popcorn, do not indiscriminately grab any old bag of microwavable popcorn, because you might just grab a bag of Kettle Corn instead of normal popcorn. This is your first mistake. Then when you get home, nuke the sucker, throw it in a bowl and stuff a few kernels in your mouth, YOU WILL GAG! Second mistake. Basically it all boils down to this: microwavable Kettle Corn sucks ass. It tastes like cat hair dipped in honey. It’s a cruel popcorn impostor. And, if you’ve gone so far as to work yourself up into a heavy anticipation, in the hopes that you’ll be settling down with some really nice buttery (and salty) popcorn, then you will be crushed when that first overly sweet and sugary kernel of Kettle Corn impacts on your taste buds. If you’re like me, the disappointment might be so great that you might just cry a little bit.

Lesson two:
Jim Jarmusch is a film genius. His entire catalog should be celebrated often and completely. John Lurie is also pretty damn rad.

Lesson three:
If you have an exposed brick fireplace and you really want those bricks to look their best, spray all the bricks down with a coating of Pam, or some such cooking oil. Then dab excess oil off bricks with a hand towel. Your fireplace will look succulent. Note: Do not have a fire going while performing this beautification trick.