Fail to Obey
A little run in with Portland’s finest this weekend. At exactly 00.00 hundred hours the flashy new Skelton Mobile was pulled over on NW Burnside for failing to obey a Traffic Control Device. Apparently, the officer who stopped us is color blind and doesn’t know his yellows from his reds. Everyone in the car agreed that the Traffic Control Device in question was in fact a night time shade of amber and not the halting shade of red he claimed it to be. Of course the officer was a total prick and completely condescending. I believe the officer was a bit irritated that; a) my driving record is a glowing example of a right and proper citizen, b) I was in fact wearing all my clothing, c) the misses did not have a crack pipe hiding on her person, d) the car was not stolen and, e) I was dead sober. He must have felt a bit foolish calling for those three back up cars. Still, I’m glad he issued just a warning for I didn’t want to contemplate having to spend hours building detailed info graphic posters and color wheel charts for my championship court appearance. He really lucked out on that front.

Besides the misses, my cousin Dave was also in the car. We had just wrapped up a nice evening of jazz at Jimmy Mak’s. After the incident cousin Dave asked, “When was the last time you got pulled over by the police?” I thought about it for a minute and then remembered that the last time I got pulled over it was for speeding and I was driving from New Ulm to the Twin Cities AND COUSIN DAVE WAS IN THE CAR! Hmmm…coincidence? I don’t think so. Attention family: avoid getting behind the wheel when Cousin Dave is present. He is a cop magnet. Give him a bus token or make him walk.

Bonus: Bob Sawley, (an old bastard).