Death by OatsCreme
Busy times: deadlines, press checks, ferocious pixel pushing, coffee slurping and late night coding. I’m trying to deal with this lactose intolerance problem I seem to have acquired. The other night the misses, in a caring nice gesture, brought home a small tub of OatsCreme in the hopes that it would be a wonderful substitute for the real thing. I think she was getting put off by the gapping open mouth trance like staring that occurred every time she popped the lid on a new tub of Ben and Jerry’s.

Me: I want some of that.

Misses: You can’t have any or you’ll get mud butt.

Me: Mmm…mud butt…my own special Ben and Jerry’s flavor.

So I was psyched to try the OatsCreme. It’s made in Minnesota, how bad can it be? Fucking horrible – that’s how bad. It tastes like wet cardboard with subtle bits of dried paint. I gagged on the first bite. Shit, even the cats who will routinely jump on my lap and lock in on my bowl with a tractor beam like stare wouldn’t even look once at a bowl of OatsCreme. And that’s really the final judgment – when the cats wont eat it.

Of course I got chastised five minutes later when I put the tub of OatsCreme back in the refrigerator.

Misses: Are you planning on eating any more of that?

Me: Hell No. I’d rather eat a dead grass and candle wax smoothie.

Misses: Hmm, well then why are you putting it back in the freezer?

Me: Um, I can’t really answer that right now.

Also, Beck typography video, the wonderful work of Seldon Hunt and get ready for Pelican at the Triple Rock April 10th.