Mooking
The Good Doctor weighs in with his definition of ‘Mook’, ruminates on the reasons we mook, and delivers a brief story about collegiate mooking in a Colorado Walgreens.

mook (mook) vt. (from mooke) 1 to use hands or fingers
to covertly smash or squish soft grocery items or
packaged foodstuffs so as to cause them to change
shape and form within packaging. 2 to make a small
“mook” sound with the mouth while smashing or
squishing soft grocery items and packaged foodstuffs.
3 any combination of 1 and 2 above – mook*ing,
-mook*

For me the pure joy of mooking is threefold:

1. The Dada ridiculousness of being an adult and doing
something nonsensical and mildly rebellious.

2. The tactile satisfaction of squishing and breaking
things.

3. A way to strike back in a small way against giant
faceless chain store corporations.

(My) friend and I used to play a game at
stores in college called “mooking” where one person
would say “mook” in this weird high voice and then we
would try to squish or smash more soft merchandise
than the other person. It was a verb as in: “Dude,
did you see those generic fruit pies that I mooked?”
It was almost impossible to not laugh out loud when a
mooked item would suddenly burst from its package and
gush sauce or filling all over your hand or coat
sleeve. Some things like Wonder Bread or marshmallows
could be mooked slowly and tenderly while terrible
pecan pies in the checkout line were brutally and
quickly smashed to bits. It was definitely a “one up”
type of contest where the most ridiculous or terrible
products were the first victims and one tried to mook
larger and larger items before collapsing with
laughter or getting caught. Once a clerk saw my
friend D. with both hands in a bin of Peeps but it
was as if he had the force and she could’t process the
reality of a grown man smashing colored marshmallow birds
out of spite so she just didn’t react at all.