High End Conasseuir
If my pockets were laced with obscene amounts of cash, If my lotto ticket ever strikes or, if my gardening ho ever falls upon a large treasure chest of booty whilst digging through my garden, I’m gonna buy me one of these Teres Audio hardwood turntables. Then I’m going to build a sonically reinforced extension onto my house, where the only furniture will be this turntable and an Eames lounge chair built from the same piece of exotic hardwood that was used to fashion the turntable.

I’m having all these ‘Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous’ thoughts today. But there’s an explanation. Last night I received a tip on a mysterious vinyl sales extravaganza being held at a Minneapolis store that deals in super high-end audio equipment. I decided to check it out. Turns out the event was a private, invite only kinda thing with booze and cold cuts being served. I didn’t have an invitation, but no problem. I stood confidently, drank freely and looked at records like I knew what I was doing – like I belonged. Before long I had found an amazing double live LP of Mississippi John Hurt recordings. Not long after clutching the reocrd, I was approached by a decent guy who runs the record shows at the local VFW. He began telling me a long back story about the record I held in my hand. He was obviously tight with the people who ran the joint and suggested we get more beer and listen to the record in one of these million dollar sonic chambers. The record was expertly placed upon a unit similar to the one above. Some other guy who worked there told me every detail I would ever want to know about this incredible machine. The best part about it is that to turn it on or to get the disc spinning you simply cusp the cylinder with your hand and give it a spin. As he demonstrated this, all I could think about was Eddie Murphy in The Golden Child.

The sound of course was amazing. The difference between what these guys listen to music with and what you and I listen to music with is like the difference between swimming in a kiddy pool in your back yard and deep sea diving in the middle of the pacific ocean.

After the Mississippi John Hurt was played, they broke out a never before played orange vinyl edition of Brian Wilson’s new record. That shit was banging! If you listened closely, you could actually pick up the different vocal harmonies coming from individual speakers.

Before leaving I was given a tour of all sorts of old tube amplifiers, high end speaker components, and all kinds of cool gadgets that I can’t afford. One guy asked my what kind of unit I was rocking at home and I told him iPod. Big mistake. He looked at me like I had just shot his brother. “You mean you actually listen to mp3’s?” To the fine audio connoisseur, the mp3 is by far the worst invention in the history of all things sonic. These audio junkies are on a crusade to get a constitutional amendment passed to outlaw them. They have a point. There is a vast chasm between mp3 chasers, who, must have hundreds of gigs of mp3s and are addicted to searching for an ever-increasing amount of files and the guy who owns four Rolling Stones records of impeccable quality and listens to them exclusively in his double-reinforced sonic cockpit. Quantity versus quality.