Bonus Baseball
More great baseball at the Metrodome last night. A come-from-behind rally, extra innings, a dramatic finish. The evening had more drama then The Godfather part II. You couldn’t ask for more in a ballgame. Well you could. You could be watching it in an outdoor stadium and you could ask for a higher caliber fan base. I’m sorry but of the total attendance (approx 17,000) I’d say only a third of ’em stayed to watch the final episode. In fact I’d say about half the stadium left after the Twins went down four runs in the bottom of the eighth inning. Then, even after the Twins rallied back to tie the game and send it into extra innings, about another 4,000 fans decided to leave – just as things were getting interesting! I poop on all those fans. Do these people go to movies and walk out 10 minutes before the credits? Do they read books but ignore the last chapter? Shock and Awe. And why is it that adult people turn into flagellate chimpanzee aliens when they realize they are up on the big screen ballpark television? I sat there totally vexed watching normal people go to pieces in the fraction of a second. You can see the wheels spinning when they see themselves displayed for all. Their first thought is, “Ohmygosh, I’m on stage. I should do something clever and irreverent yet completely remarkable and relevant. I should give the people something that will become legendary. Something everyone will talk about around the water-cooler tomorrow. Finally my big shot. My big moment!” Then, sadly, the search for inspirado fails – dies and falls to the ground to be crunched under foot like so many peanut shells – all that’s left is a surrealistic spasm of nonsuccess danced out for all to see.

Driving home I heard yet another commercial on WCCO that I feel I must share with you. The products that get pushed during Twins games are exciting and completely relevant to my lifestyle. I must be the bulls-eye at the center of their demographic dart-board. This one’s called VIBE and I actually had to go to their website this morning to find out what it was because the commercial sucked me in with all the vitality and promise of the product but never actually explained what the product was.
Turns out VIBE maximizes my Negative Field Activation absorption, which is just totally what I fucking need right now. Shit, I could have really used this stuff down in sponge town. If you’re not like me and you don’t keep up on Negative Field Activation trends allow me to enlighten you with a word for word copy lift from their site:

As a part of the VIBE™ manufacturing process, a special negative magnetic field design at multiple times the strength of the earth’s own magnetic field is used.

and. . .

Water normally has polar bonds, which in the presence of a negative field, are manipulated and changed by that field – it is a process that “structures” and further purifies the water. This results in water that has unique characteristics to include being more fluid, being a better solvent, and having pH characteristics are different. In fact, water processed with Negative Field Activation becomes alkalizing due to its propensity to pull oxygen into the cell. This further results in a state where minerals in solution are ionized more fully and are transported into the body cells more efficiently.