Queer Eye for the C.O.P.S
The misses was in a state of disquiet trauma last night when I arrived home from the bar. It seems that moments before I landed home, she had come face to face with the ‘strangest thing she had ever witnessed in Uptown’, which is saying a lot as she is a veteran of the scene. Apparently, she had just settled into the couch for some quality Tuesday evening queer-centric reality television, when just a few feet from the East facing window of our humble keep, a well dressed and put together female of a late twenty something age, walked up close to our window lifted up her skirt and peed like a man all over the driveway. The fact that I was not at home to bear-witness to this event left me despondent the rest of the evening. All I got to see was the gigantic puddle.

Speaking of queer-centric reality television. I have a new reality television show that I would like to propose to the networks – specifically FOX. The show I would like to propose, would, like most other reality T.V., be a simple combination of already existing shows. Therefor, I know it would be a hit. My new show would be a combination of Queer Eye For The Straight Guy and C.O.P.S. with a little bit of American Idol thrown in to boot. Essentially viewers would watch a current episode of C.O.P.S and then be able to vote on which White Trash, glue-huffing, blood-soaked criminal would get to have the ‘Queer Guys’ come and straighten out their lives by giving their trailer home or garbage house a complete makeover. Let’s face it, these folks really need the makeover more so then the hapless people who get chosen for these makeover shows. Comedy will ensue when the “Queer Guys” tell their contestant that, “the scrawny guy on your kitchen floor huffing gas is just so 1984. . .and these blood and beer soaked wife-beaters of yours, well honey, it’s just so Children of The Corn II: The Final Sacrifice – they really must go.”