Do Not Pass Me Just To Slow Down
It’s the return of the Wild West. Sitting with el rey del perros this morning, I’m tossing the ball and working on my third cup of black coffee, laced with some Snowshoe Grog that I raided from my parents liquor cabinet. Outside, three bunnies are running along the back fence.

I’m training the dog on new tactical maneuvers today. That evil pimp Sharon has struck a deep fear into the Israeli people by putting the entire country on Red Hail alert. Beware the Red Hail! In retaliation, I’ve put the house on “Pink Snow” alert and am fortifying the compound with everything we will need for a long winters war. Tonight Rainbow Foods will be raided for all caned goods and whale blubber.

I’ve put Fess on a 24 hour watch for suspicious individuals carrying manpads. We’ve received word from Intelligence that The National Security Council is “planning an education campaign to teach the American public to identify the missiles if they see one”. So far, the dog an I have seen some dark sedans drive by, but as long as their sunroofs are down, it’s going to be hard for persons to operate their manpads properly. This is a science after all. The same intelligence warns that soon commercial airlines will be “installing high-tech ‘countermeasures'”. Which means that on your next vacation to Barbados YOU will be expected to man the Israeli made anti-missile defense rockets upon take off. Riding First Class will come with the special privilege of operating fun high tech weaponry and a license to kill. You’ll start to notice a whole different breed of lecherous humans flying. People who would never have set foot in an aircraft before will be flying the friendly skies looking for the chance to cut down some unfriendlies. Selected passengers will also be issued Go Pills – government sponsored speed – to increase their focus on artillery targets in between sales meetings from Cleveland to Salt Lake City. Shit, now that we’ve learned that North Korean “teachers tell american students that they are ‘two-legged wolves'” and that the United States is nothing more than a “hotbed of all evils swarming with beggars”, we should be prepared to get rerouted in a mid-flight to miami to run carpet bombing missions along the DMZ. And don’t ask for an extra meal when this unfortunate delay occurs. The government thinks you’re a better killer when you’re hungry. Huh? With this kind of action, who needs Reality T.V.?