Give Me a Hybrid or Give Me Death
I’m getting really excited about owning an electric car. In a strange but timely epiphany, four points have come together this week to squarely define my desire to rid my life of the 1985 Olds’ transpo-rocket that I commute to work with every winter day. First, my friend Jodi gave me a ride in her new Hybrid Toyota Prias. Second, Arianna Huffington added fuel to the fire with her Road Outrage article on Salon yesterday. Third, and most bizarrely is MacWorld, which just excites me generally about new technologies and possibilities. And Fourthly, the deteriorating health of my Oldsmobile GrandRoyale Brougham leaves me thinking of what could be.

I am more excited about the technical and esthetic value of a well designed hybrid vehicle, more-so than I am about feeling ethically compelled to end my role as an accomplice of terror every time I fill the Brougham with petrol, as the ads at the Detroit Project suggest.
But – hey, anymore of a reason to feel righteous about my new hybrid has to be a good thing right? You’ll see me leaning out the window of my new hybrid at stop lights, chomping on a toothpick, pointing my chin to the sky in quick jerking motions, asking passengers in Xterras how many terrorists they’ve help support today, and then speed away with a sweet grin on my face.

Beyond fuel efficiencies, I’m ready for hybrids to be Wi-Fi ready and equipped with the ability to transfer audio and other information from a PC.

Unfortunately, of the available US Hybrid lot, I’m not especially excited about any of the current designs. Many friends I’ve spoke with who are also on the cusp of purchasing a hybrid all seem to chant, “Somebody please make a hybrid that doesn’t look like it was designed by an intern at the Ford Motors Company”. Let’s get some new blood in the mix. If the new vehicles unveiled at the Detroit Autoshow are any indication of what’s to come in electric cars, then I can only conclude that the major automotive companies are trying to design the ugliest hybrids ever so that they can turn to their shareholders in 2004 and declare, “Well it looks like nobody is buying our electric cars. We better stop making them”. Ridiculous.

The worst offender has to be the Honda Element. All things being subjective, this is straight up the most butt-ugly vehicle I have ever seen. I feel like if I hit as much as a pothole in that thing I’d crumple up and fold into an idiots origami. The Scion by Toyota looks no better. I’m sure If I rolled the streets in that thing I would get beat up almost everyday. And I would deserve it.

So, here’s a hope and a prayer that in 2003 we will see something new from VW, Honda, or hell, Sony, Apple – anybody – that can put a capable designer at the helm of producing a lust-worthy electric hybrid. The first company that can make a hybrid that’s easy on the eyes and has an equally stylized marketing campaign is going to make a lot of money.