the day i fell in love with cold storage
It’s finally over…ten thousand footsteps later…I have moved most all my belongings into the impossibly awesome pre-historic invention – cold storage</a.. 25 heavy boxes of super heavy funk are now stored with most of my other devices, dictionaries, doctrines and past memories. It’s still all so new and wonderful. My own 5×10. A shiny metal room amongst 1200 other little rooms that houses the physical debris of at least 26 years . Can you imagine? Do you have one of these things? If you don’t, you ain’t really living. Even if you only put a few things in it, just get one and feel the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve got a secret little box hidden in the middle of the city that no one but you knows the contents too. Its got no address. The post office can’t find you there. You can’t get phone bills there. Nobody will drop by unexpectedly on your cold storage. It needs no repairs. It asks nothing and gives so damn much.

I’m sure that I will visit my storage unit often, at least once a week, if only to rotate the minimum number of records that I have allowed myself in my Uptown Domicile. I can see myself just hanging out there sometimes. Maybe hook up a little generator in the winter and warm some tea on a hot plate, skateboard the endlessly smooth concrete maze of storage hallways in the dark, dig out my portable and dance a jig to an old Crimpshine seven inch. It’s really something all the units there. Moving in I saw one family that was changing their babies diapers from their unit. I think they really may actually live in their unit. I saw a couple open their unit and piles just started falling out of the door. I must have an insane ego, cause I really think that the quality of the stuff in my unit is superior to what most people are shoveling into their unit. Lots of the same stuff that I took right to the Goodwill (eight trips in total to the G.W.), I saw oozing from the ceiling of other peoples open units. I have an insatiable curiosity to know what the heck is in all the those other units. What other treasures do people keep in their cold storage? I must know.

It took most of all Saturday to empty my excessively spacious old apartment, bring things to the Goodwill and carefully stack the remaining contents into storage. All of you, my friends, will be receiving unsolicited first class packages of my junk that I thought would be funnier served on your doorstep by the postman instead of finding it’s way into the garbage.

Today was a full day of cleaning the emptiness of a space that has 1050 square feet too many, for which I now owe the missis a lifetime of paybacks and favors. One positive note: I found that when doing horrible housework, like cleaning the fridge and oven, that singing the theme song to Trading Spaces makes it seem less like work and more like a really fun Television show.

And now that the moving is done and I’m all settled, I can get back to what i do best – Cup Stacking!