Today, special guest The Good Doctor F, takes over afrojet to offer his: “top tips for success / general strategies for excellence when completing
court ordered
community service (6:00 a.m. – 3:30 p.m. landscaping shift)”
- Be sure to get to the sign in desk by 5:55 a.m. in order to get a “good”
orange safety vest; note that there are only two vests with reflective
stripes and the others feature grease stains and body odor musk. - Never take off your orange safety vest until 3:30 p.m.
- When assessing which city landscape employee to work with all day choose
very carefully; there is no real true plan in this area – just dumb luck. - If you work with Stan take care of any number two business in the bathroom
just to the left of the desk before 6:00 a.m as the morning :15 break is a
long way off. - Do not rush! There is no need to hurry as 9 hours of landscaping in 85
degree weather affords plenty of chances to get work done. - Do not mention any extra areas you might think need pruning, cutting, or
raking. - When cutting, make two sets of cuts: the first to generate a pile of
greenery on the ground and the second to cut the plant material at the base
/ trunk. You use up more time and still look like you are working. - Place your traffic cone arrays diagonally back from the edge of the truck
when parked on roads and insist that the stobe light be engaged to warn
oncoming speeders there are human targets ahead. - Try not to focus on going down to the mall with a rapid-fire assault
weapon and “wiping the slate clean” as you pick up all the different types
of roadside garbage thrown from vehicles by the miserable mewling skin bags
that are human beings. - Whoa.
- Never carry more than one tool or leaf bucket at a time.
- If you have a tool, try to use it for the task at hand so it will be
shown that you need to walk all the way back to the truck to get the correct
tool. This all uses valuabel time. - If you have to sit next to another rotund citizen “volunteer” named
Earving from Guatemala, roll down the window to escape the foully inhuman
blasts of gas he dispatches with a big smile, all the while yelling about
how he wants a “fucking Chinese girlfriend because their fucking pussy is
tight, man!” - Watch the facial reaction of your devout Baptist crew leader as Earving
delivers short, vicious rants in a pseudo-English language that may be from
Star Wars; the only understandable words are every other one (“fucking”) - Do not volunteer for anything involving dead, brown, itchy juniper
bushes. - Do not wake Stan up or make any sudden movements in the truck if he falls
asleep during either of the two daily :15 breaks.