It’s that time of year again. My three thousand miles are up and it’s time to take the Oldsmobile into Jiffy Lube. Time to get the fluids flushed and topped off and restore pressure to all the needy parts that need pressure. By getting there early, I was banking on saving a few bucks through Jiffy’s “Early Bird” special – $19 all inclusive – and a free 1/2 dozen bagel coupon. Deal! Unfortunately, as is the case with older vehicles, and mine in particular, I wasn’t getting out of there that easy.

I always fear the worst whenever I bring the Oldsmobile anywhere for repair or maintenance.
While stewing in the 6 by 6 waiting room, drinking dish water coffee out of 8oz styrofoam cups, with just tattered scraps of 12 year old magazines to read, my mind began to conjure up all the terrible things that the Jiffy Man was going to report on once they threw open the 175 pound hood and discovered the pre-historic engine that powers the Brougham, an activity I rarely have the courage to do. Of course the other 8 chairs were occupied by similarly nervous humans and thus conversation betwixt patrons was curt or nonexistent. I fully expected the Jiffy Man to saunter up to the counter and inform not only me but everyone else seated there that, “Mr. Skelton, yeah your car has a giant rats nest located behind the radiator and the mother just birthed a litter of new borns” or “Mr. Skelton, we’ve discovered a gapping hole in the bottom of your engine. We’re a bit puzzled ourselves Mr. Skelton, we don’t know what to make of it. Daryl thinks it might be a portal to another time or universe. Far as I can see you’ve got yourself a humdinger of a problem there. Either way we can’t do any work on her with a time portal in your engine.”

It’s especially grating because every other patron is hoping to entertain themselves with the mechanical malpractice and woes of other patrons. You really judge your own experience at Jiffy Lube by the other services and parts that your chariot requires to leave the garage and what your fellow patrons got coaxed into buying as well. The game is a good one. I think I could turn anything into a competition. I was lucky this time, and got out of there with only a new breather and air filter.

My favorite part of the whole experience was the way the Jiffy Man called out the name and make of my car, which makes you sit up straight cuz you know the bad news is coming.

“Oldsmobile Royal”. He pronounced. Just like Samual Jackson drew out a “royal with cheese” in Pulp Fiction. Cutting “royal” into two names Roy and Al, both names that I would associate with auto mechanics in a heartbeat. The way the Jiffy Man said it made me very happy to own my land boat and all it’s time traveling portals and rats nests. I even got my free bagel coupon.

Hazah!

Crucial Recordings rotating on the hi-fi:

The new Herbaliser Record is a monster epic of sonic education. Solid all the way through. I love Herbaliser records because these guys know how to sequence an album. Every piece on this record could probably stand alone as a single butt kicking slice of cinematic funk, but together the collected work and song order complement each other so darn well. I think the hit single focused music industry could learn much from this record. It’s so refreshing to buy a record that you don’t have to bruise your finger on the fast forward button to get to the golden nuggets hidden deep within. The Herbaliser also have a nice new site up to promote the album. Also, it looks like Jake and Ollie are using it as their own little blog.

The new Koop album is similar in that it delivers on all tracks. It’s a smooth record all the way through. I can just throw it on the hi-fi and trust that it will deliver the right mood through its entirety. For lovers of nu-jazz with a heavy sample based architecture similar to that of St. Germain or Jazzanova, this is album is a must.

Also rotating:

The Angel – no gravity
Various Artists – popshopping2 and popshopping remixed