Early sunday morning I was rollin’ large in the Vee-Dub. I had Hall Boulevard practically all to myself. Inside the car, Benny Goodman was Stompin’ at the Savoy. I was on my way to Oregon Decorative Rock to pick up some lava (that’s code for “lava rock” fool) that I would later use to fill in a trench off the side of our patio. In all aspects it was a glossy portrait of middle-class suburban excitement. The kind of morning that requires us all to pick up a little caffeinated Starbucks action to supplement our wild side and buzz buzz buzz.
Having already fully caffeinated earlier in the morning, I has ready for something harder, something just a bit more dangerous and naughty. Dammit, I needed a brain freeze the kind that only a Slurpee could provide! I pulled into the 7-11 pretty much on auto-pilot. Entering the store I briefly spied a poster for the new Simpsons movie on the front door. As I walked back to the Slurpee machine I held an internal debate on the merits of a Simpsons movie. Would I or wouldn’t I go see it? Would it be funny and why is there a poster for the movie on the front door of a 7-11? Whatever. I had finally arrived at my destination the Slurppppp…what? Slushee machine! Just what the fuck’s going on here! I spun around quickly and with my back to the Slushee machine, I assumed the necessary stance that one takes when they’re about to take on a whole hoard of attacking Zombies. But there was no one there. In fact, besides the checkout guy (who was giving me a befuddled look), I was the only one in the store.
I scanned the store slowly, like my man Gil Grissom – let the evidence tell the story. Huge stacks and end caps of Buzz Beer (wait, no, it says Buzz Cola)? Boxes of Krusty’O’s cereal? Lisa Simpson cookies? And lets not forget the Slushee machine? Apparently, my 7-11 had been transformed into the Kwik-E-Mart from the Simpsons! Whoa. Awesome!
Of course the best part were all the new “Simpson” inspired flavors at the Slushee machine – WooHoo! Blue Vanilla anyone? Anyhoo, great promotional idea. I wonder what other locations in Portland could be Simpsonized? Could we have a Moe’s Bar? The Comic Guy Comic Store?
Also: At the Doug Fir tonight I will have Battles in my life. Yes.