Out of Beta: Mr & Mrs Skelton
Well we did it! Last Friday afternoon, in a small courtroom in Ramsey County, the misses and I made things official. Rings were exchanged and vows were consummated. Sandwiched in between some foul weather days, came Friday with its brilliant sun and extremely mild temperatures, it was an absolutely perfect day for our wedding. The gracious and honorable Judge Nathanson and her staff presided, proving once again that serendipity is a fine and wonderful thing. The judge and her staff, who preside over juvenile cases, had just wrapped up an extremely tiring and emotional week. They were looking forward to ending their week with a ‘little happiness’. In my mind, the synergy of emotional outcome could not have been planned by the best wedding planner. It was a great example of ‘allowing for for things to happen’ and not ‘planning how things should happen’. For this I (and We) are grateful.

After the proceeding, and before our familial dinner that night, the new Team Skelton went for cocktails at the Saint Paul Hotel were we were treated to a fine bottle of champaign and some great stories and tips from our hostess on how to ‘go on the road’ with the newly reunited Motley Crue. Odd newlywed advise for sure, but I’ll be damned if I”m not going to try and find some use for that wisdom down the road.

The familial dinner was very nice and delicious. Much toasting – emotions were more full and effervescent than the champagne in my glass.

Next it was off for a brief but relaxing honeymoon at Canoe Bay. I believe the ‘no children’ policy is what makes this place special. Before we got to Canoe Bay there was a brief road food stop at an unmentionable fast food eatery. Standing in line waiting to order we were directly behind the ‘walking birth-control billboard’ family. One kid whined about the lack of a ‘strawberry’ option to his dessert in such a horrible bouncy frequency that I could actually feel all my involuntary muscles spasm whenever he would hit certain pitches. We couldn’t take it and had to bail. I want to make a sticker that says “Return to Sender: This Child is Broken” that I can slap on kids like that.

The silence of Canoe Bay was wonderful. They also have an amazing library on the grounds. Gentle classical music, wine and coffee are available to guests as they peruse the library. Dinner at the bay was a formal jacket required deal, which I mention only because I found it humorous to walk through the woods to dinner in a suit and see other folks appear mysteriously from the woods wearing their best.

Everything on the honeymoon would have been pure bliss if it wasn’t for our northwoods friend The Tick. Sunday morning after a leisurely breakfast we went for a walk on many of the trails around Canoe Bay. The hike was about three miles in total. After the walk we retired to the Library. The misses immediately noticed a tick on her neck. Ticks, if you don’t know this, love to head towards the head or other ‘warm spots’ on your body.

The tick sent Ms. Skelton into immediate panic. We immediately went into tick check mode, where you behave like monkey’s going through each others hair. Nothing was found but throughout the day I discovered one on my pant leg and then discovered two more traversing my neck-line before dinner.

Then much later in the evening as I was getting ready for bed, I did a full tick check on my unmentionables. Nothing. But when I turned around and looked at my ass in the mirror, I noticed a big black spot on it. I immediately tried to brush it off but it was apparent that it had begun to burrow. It must have been there all day long. So I had to come out to the living room and tell Ms. Skelton that one of her new roles as my wife was to get in the bathroom and remove this sucker from me. She of course balked at this cause she can’t even stand to look at them. But after threats of divorce were offered she acquiesced. She attempted to remove it with a kleenex but the fucker was too buried. So she had to pinch it between her fingernails and pull it out. It felt like someone was pulling on a piece of my ass with a needle nose pliers.

Tick was then ceremoniously flushed down the toilet.

And thus began our married life.