My New Segway
I’m looking at this Green Machine to become my new Segway. It’s way greener, way cooler and hella cheaper. And damn it’s got three wheels. It seems unconscionable that I would pay $4,850.00 more for a machine that only has two lame little skinny wheels. Checkout the wheelbase on the green machine. It’s like a foot wide.

I got great memories of my first Green Machine. At age five, the green plastic chariot was the love of my life. It was also my forbidden fruit and fall from innocence. In the end it would become the cause of my first real fight. I wound up the first kid on the block to own the coveted Green Machine and like anything material at that age it became highly sought after by the other five and six
year olds who were still riding around Fred Flinstone style. I had the mack mobile-unit. The equivalent of Cadillac’s Snoop DeVille. I guarded her night and day, and pimped her out to other kids for a penny a ride. But then one day, when I had turned my back for a second, she was gone. I was completely devastated. I went through the five year old stages of grief quickly and landed with both feet squarely in the camp of revenge and violent determination to get my wheels back. My search for the perpetrator didn’t take long. The five year old criminal mind isn’t quite what it will later become through the required recidivism that repeats like bad acne all through Junior High. I hadn’t walked a block and half from my house, when there before my eye’s was one of my so-called neighborhood friends tearing up his drive way with repeated e-brake tricks, something the Green Machine was famous for. I was livid and violence came quick. I blind-sided him with an elbow to the head, knocking him into the rock garden that surrounded his edging around his driveway. We tussled there in the rocks and I finally landed a good one in the soft spot under his rib cage. The little delinquent went into a fit of gasping and wheezing. I got up and road my green stallion the block and a half back to my house. I don’t think that slack, red-handed traitor and I ever had a play-date set up by our parents again after that incident. But I didn’t mind. With a Green Machine in my driveway who needs friends. Lessons learned. If you have your own Green Machine story I’d love to hear it.