The new House Project working index (indexed by special guest columnist The Good Doctor F):

Number of tool belts currently being worn by me: 1

Number of tools in tool belt (including pencil and
utility knife but not including drill bits): 11

Number of installations or mountings completed this
afternoon: 4

Number of times I have departed from Home Depot with a
purchase total under $50.00: 0

Number of times I have purchased a power tool for a
single use project: 1

Number of times I have mentally priced air compressors
and air powered nail guns: 3

Factor by which home improvement spending is
decreasing the odds of a month long vacation in Costa
Rica this summer: 4.67

Factor by which new home purchase and related home
improvement spending is increasing the odds of a
summer of working for the carpenter
who did work for us on the new house: 2.33

Percentage of free time spent fantasizing about rare,
esoteric imported music: -61%

Percentage of free time spent fantasizing about the
stone wall I am going to build in my front yard with
shovels, picks, and my truck: +61%

Number of times I have called a part, tool, or home
improvement related object “YOU FUCK!”: 68

Number of times I have encouraged a part, tool, or
home improvement related object to “KEEP FUCKING DOING
THAT!! WHY NOT KEEP ON DOING THAT YOU FUCKING FUCK!!”

Number of Carhartt articles worn to school today as
part of regular clothing: 3

Number of holes punched in the freshly painted ceiling
in the kitchen during setup of liquor cabinet shelf :
1

Number of times I have almost burned or destroyed
something serious in the course of home repair: 2

Number of times I have been told not to scratch the
newly refinished wood floors or leave things on the
newly refinsihed fireplace mantle: 207

Number of complimentary alcohol boxes used during the
move: +50

Number of articles of furniture given away to Carlos,
one of the movers: 4

Number of…