December 30, 2006

The Raw Data: Baby Index
Time: 36 weeks.
Current Estimated Weight: 6 Pounds, 8 Ounces
Current Dilation of Mom: 1.5cm
Current Effacement of Mom: 80%
Average Number of Potty Runs Mom Makes Per Night: 3
Number of 'Oh Craps' and 'Holy Shits' Uttered by the Expectant Father in the Last 48 Hours: 30+
Number of 16 ounce Pabst Blue Ribbon Beers Needed Last Night to Comprehend and Make Sense of These Numbers: 4

Big week as we learned that the boy has flipped in the chute and is now bearing head down; ready to shoot into the world. All of mom's parts are in working order and calibrating themselves for the big event. And it could be a big event as the boy is already six and a half pounds. If mom goes to term the doc said we might be looking at a nine plus pound kid. Everyone seems to think the boy will arrive sooner than the expected January 27th due date. Place your bets.

And check out those lips! So cute, like a little Mick Jagger floating underwater.

December 27, 2006

T-minus One Month
It's getting to be go time here at the Skelton Ranch. Lots of nervous energy and giddy happiness as we anticipate His majesties arrival. It's like getting ready for a house guest that you've never met. The baby room has started to come together quite nicely. The cats christened the room this morning by barfing on the new rug, which is shag, and a bitch to get cat puke out of. I guess we've already lost the function over form battle.

I should probably note here that Gabby is feeling much better after her surgery. The stones were removed without incident and sent to the crime lab for further investigation. After a few days of general lethargy on her part, she seems to have made a full recovery. She did come home from the vet with this sweet Elizabethan collar that she was supposed to wear so she wouldn't lick her stitches away. She didn't seem to dig the new fashion statement tho. And just to prove a point, she lounged out like Jabba The Hut and with great ease was able to get at the wound. It was as if she was just letting us know, "Hey, this collar thing? Stupid. Look here: I'm licking the the wound just fine. So how about you remove the collar and I'll leave the wound alone?" So we removed the collar and she stuck to her end of the bargain.

We had to go to Target last night to exchange a baby mattress that had arrived via UPS with a huge puncture in it. I was dubious about entering a Target store on the day after Christmas but luckily the return line was non-existant. Cruising the Target isles, I had one of those benchmark, 'Hey, I'm a grown up adult who thinks about the future' moments. Far back wall. Holiday section. All Christmas lights 50% to 70% off. Now, I've always heard about those frugal 'Bargain Bettys' who get their holiday flair after a holiday is over, but I've never joined those ranks. That all changed last night as I stockpiled lights like they were going to be our home's sole source of illumination in 2007. I won't lie tho, it was tough to pull the trigger. The thought of buying something that I would not use for 11 months was unconscionable. Maybe I'll just have to break 'em out now and become That Guy who has lights up on his house all year long.

Bonus: My friend Kim has turned me to the highly addictive Oregon Surplus Site. It's like Christmas all over again. In fact, I'm thinking of taking this New Responsibility thing to a whole new level by winning this bid which would take care of all my Christmas shopping for the next year.

December 20, 2006

Bladder Stones
Here is a picture of our cat Gabby. It's not the cutest picture I've ever taken of her. Shit, I didn't even take the picture, the vet doc did. As you can see, there's a cluster of four foreign elements that shouldn't be in that picture. These are bladder stones. Gabby has been very vocal as of late about these troublesome stones.

About a week ago, we noticed that she was crying when she went 'pee pee' (the vets terminology) and twice she went pee pee in a spot that wasn't a family designated cat pee pee outpost (aka the litter box). Clearly something was up so we raced her off to the vet. Unfortunately, our normal vet doc, Dr. Sarah Silverman was on vacation. I call her Dr. Sarah Silverman because she looks similar to the real Sarah Silverman and talks exactly like her. So another doctor took blood and urine tests and said it was probably a urinary tract infection. She said she would call us in a few days with the lab results.

A few days pass, vet calls to let us know that Gabby has blood in her urine but no crystals, which she then uses to diagnose Gabby as having a virus and not a urinary tract infection. Basically not much we can do, Gabby has to ride out the virus.

More days pass and now Gabby is starting to puke all over the place several times a day. She's very lethargic and sleeps in our bed most of the day. Things seem to have gone from bad to worse, so we call the vet back. Now the first doc is off on vacation and Dr. Silverman is back on the job. This is good news for Gabby.

Over the phone, Dr. Silverman immediately hypothesizes bladder stones. She tells us to to bring Gabby in for x-rays. We rush off to the vet again. Gabby, who normally gives a vocal fuss over going to the vet, is silent all the way there.

Gabby goes under the x-ray. The results you can see pictured above. Dr. Silverman is giddy to see her hypothesis proven true. The rest of the vet staff gives her a round of applause, as do we.

While looking at the x-rays on the big monitor, one of the vet techs asks me if I would like a CD burned with "JPEGs" of these x-rays. I wanted to say, 'No way dude! Do I look like the kind of guy who would want JPEGs of my cats x-rays so that I can rush home and blog about them?"

Actual response: "Man, that would be so cool! Thanks."

Ok, so bladder stones, what does that mean? Dr. Silverman explains that these stones are particularly nasty. They are each about a 1/4 inch in diameter. and are jagged and pointy, "it's like she has glass inside her bladder". Ouch! Solution = surgery.

So, yesterday morning I brought Gabby in to the vet to go under the knife. Got a call from the vet about midday yesterday. The surgery went well and Gabby is recovering. The stones have been sent to the Kitty CSI lab for further investigation. Should be able to pick her up tonight.

December 18, 2006

Guilty of Painting White
Got to work on the nursery in earnest this weekend. Put up some new lighting. Really wanted to get one of these Nelson Bubble Lamps but couldn't really justify the price tag. We got a very nice dresser/changing station from an unpainted furniture store. Of course the misses would like the dresser painted to match the white crib. Unfortunately, matching white paint tones is a next to impossible mission. You really don't know how many 'white' paints are out there until you've gone completely mad looking at hundreds of paint sample chips. I wish I had kept all those chips so I could list all the different names folks have come up with to describe their whiteness.

December 13, 2006

Callum Robbins Needs Your Help.
I've received much much joy over the years from the creative output of J. Robbins and Janet Morgan. To read the latest about their son Cal brings great sadness. Please consider a donation.

From Pitchfork:

Callum Robbins, son of J. Robbins (Jawbox, Burning Airlines, Channels, plus a slew of producing and engineering credits) and Janet Morgan (Channels), is in need of your help.

In September, the now-ten-month-old Cal was diagnosed with genetic motor neuron disease Spinal Muscular Atrophy (Type 1), an often-fatal disorder; most children with Type 1 SMA will die before the age of two, as it affects their ability to crawl, walk, breathe, swallow, and control their head and neck. At this point in time, it does not have a cure.

SMA-stricken babies who live past the age of two are likely to be wheelchair-bound for life and probably require scoliosis surgery. The condition is an expensive one, especially for parents looking to test out its experimental treatments, which is something Robbins and Morgan hope to do.

As you well know, indie rock godfathers don't usually pull in the big bucks. Thus, DeSoto Records (Jawbox, Burning Airlines, Channels) co-founder Bill Barbot has set up a PayPal account to raise money for Cal and his family. Donations can be made to the PayPal account of bbarbot@gmail.com or via the link on Cal's page.

For more information on Spinal Muscular Atrophy, please go here.

December 12, 2006

Will Work For L$
When talking with folks about the imminent arrival of Baby Skelton a lot of playful speculation gets tossed around on the idea of what the kid will do when he's all grown up. It's a fun game to play, mostly because a) I don't really care what he'll do as long as he's happy (right?), and b) most likely the "job" he will have hasn't been invented yet nor will it for some time. Take my profession, Web Designer; the term (the idea!) wasn't even in the pool of considered vocations when I graduated High School. Upon graduating College it was still just a fun little hobby with Netscape 1.0. I don't think anyone ever thought about it as a career back then. So for me to even begin to project what the kid will be doing in twenty years is total science fiction if not downright futile. I can almost see the day, 25 years off on the horizon when the kid comes home and says, "Dad I got a job doing ______", and all I can do is shake my head and laugh because I will have no idea what he's talking about.

For now tho, when people do ask the question, my stock answer is that he's going to be a Virtual Architect for high-end MMO avatar clients. Building ultra-mod structures like this guy.

Hopefully, he'll be kind enough to build his mom and dad a nice vacation home on some choice virtual ocean front property.

December 08, 2006

Sniffling My Days Away
The Kleenex box has been my constant companion over the last few days. I've been in the grips of a cold that I just can't shake. I hate being sick. I've got no time for being sick. I keep trying to rest & sleep but I get too antsy and feel like I should be doing something. I think I would rather have the flu. At least with the flu you know where you stand. Or rather, you know you can't stand and you should be in bed. A bad head cold just slows you down but fails to deliver a knock out punch.

They need to put warning labels on those wordless instructions for assembling IKEA furniture. "WARNING: Do not attempt to build our furniture if you are under the influence of strong cold medication. You will lose."

December 06, 2006

A Star is Born
With the sounds of Frank Sinatra whispering holiday lullabies in our ears, the holiday season moved into full swing last night with the erection of a seven foot Noble Fir in our living room. A massive tree-lighting ceremony followed while the cats played handball with the lower hanging ornaments.

There was one major glitch in our festivities that unfortunately did not reveal itself till early this morning. After getting the tree in the house I was so excited to launch the decorating festivities last night that I forgot to return to the car and close both the trunk and the side back passenger door. So yes, the car was fully open to the public all night long. I am sweet! These are just the kind of irresponsible acts that build towers of confidence in the wife as we prepare to bring forth a newborn into this world. No doubt she will have nightmares for weeks that involve: babies left on the roofs of cars, babies left in whiskey barrels floating in the Willamette river, and babies left in ovens.

Today is a big day for us here at The Ranch. The Comcast folks are coming out to rewire the house so that I can finally move my office to the lower level and make way for nursery construction. We made a mad dash to the IKEA in Seattle this past weekend, where helpful editions to both the home office and the baby nursery were purchased. I will miss my big window. I hope the kid appreciates the sacrifices I'm making for his new digs.

Bonus: The gift everyone needs this year (thanks Peter).