August 30, 2006

Sleeping John Menaces Mate
The news headlines take on a very ominous tone when you have a Hurricane named after you. The AP wire slings adjectives that I don't normally associate with my character. To wit:

"John menaced Mexican tourist resorts on Wednesday",

"John is intensifying rapidly",

"John is expected to pound Acapulco",

"John grew into a powerful cyclone".

Lies. Utter lies. If the journalists actually bothered to interview me, they would learn that their inflammatory statements are erroneous and besmirch my good name. I demand a duel with rapiers in the garden!

In fact, my condition is just the opposite. A sudden Northwest cold front and the crushing defeat of the Packers on a televised national stage has left me run down and suffering from a slight head cold. Not unlike my swirling brother who looms with danger off the coast of Mexico, my condition has taken its toll on innocent parties in my household. Seems my stuffy head causes me to snore during sleepy time. Snoring is an inexcusable offense in this household. Sleep cycles are not to be interrupted by Wookie laughter. Thus, for the last two nights I have put forth a routine of self-imposed quarantine in the guest bedroom, where I am free to saw logs at top volume without disturbing the sanctity of home.

Two from the Onion: Résumé Font Offends Employer, Murderous Cat.

Also, Helvetica numeral wall panels would be great for a kids room.

August 24, 2006

I Want To Be A Guitar Hero
Ok. So someone made this video game where you get to prove how awesomely Eddie Van Halen you can get, where your street cred is measured by the speed of your virtual arpeggios and, the fate of the world rests on your ability to hammer out the solo from "More Than A Feeling" with note for note precision. And, they did not make this game for the X box. This makes me seriously regret exchanging my PS 2 for an X Box.

There was a visit paid to the local 'Video Game Fools' store the other night. At my age, this activity induces about as much shame as cruising SE 82nd for a quick trick. All the moms in the store, trying to keep their pre-pubesent sons from overtaxing their Visa while also engaging in UN style negotiations over the definition of the word "(M)aturity", give the dirtiest looks to anyone over 25 who isn't chaperoning their own hooligan.

Had shame not been a factor, I think I'd still be at the game store right now playing the demo for Guitar Hero. I did flounder my way through a Bad Religion song and The Good Doctor had a chance to rock some Ramones before one of the obligatory zit-faced employees took over the guitar, set in on 'Expert' mode, and went all Steve Vai on us.

Soon, the gaming gods will release Guitar Hero II on the world. In the new version you'll be able to play split screen against another opponent; one person holding down rhythm guitar while the other blazes the lead part. Amazing. Only three things could make this better: 1) release a version of the game for X Box, 2) Make the guitar controller a Flying-V and, 3) make it so I can play along with any song currently in my iTunes catalog.

August 21, 2006

Triple Trouble
Well it took all of Thursday and Friday plus most of the weekend to recover from the Gorilla Biscuits concert in Seattle. Getting old is a one hell of a drag. The body just doesn't snap back to it's proper form the way it use to. If there were Gorilla Biscuit shows every weekend, then I'd be in tremendous shape.

Beautiful and relaxing weekend around these parts. Got to spend some time with friends Liz and Dave and their powerful new baby boy. His name is Oliver and he's a handsome charmer. I feel lucky that we've got friends doing the whole new baby thing before us. It's a boys world tho. No girls in sight (except for my niece in Minnesota). Team jerseys need to me made.

The misses and I saw the movie Little Miss Sunshine, which we both enjoyed. I watched the documentary Metal: A Headbanger's Journey with rapt attention. I actually paid the phone company $1.99 so I could have Iron Maiden's "Run to the Hills" as my ring tone. I turn my phone up extra loud at the library and hope someone will call me while I'm there. Sometimes I miss calls altogether 'cause I just can't bear the thought of interrupting Bruce Dickinson when he's going for it all.

Finished the weekend last night with a BBQ at Landry and Kim's place. They're in the process of remodeling both their kitchen and bathroom at the same time. Both rooms are down to the studs. Commitment. They've been using the local community center for 'number twos'.

Today the misses goes in for blood tests and other fun prenatal pastimes. Favorite item spotted at the baby store this weekend: Hooter Hiders.

August 15, 2006

Time Flies
Sunday night the misses and I marked the anniversary of our first full year in Portland with a BBQ in the backyard. Unfortunately the celebration was cut short with the arrival of teaming swarms of bees that had a hunger for sweet corn and a thirst for Asian lager.

It's been a fast year with many a great highlight. Presently, the pregnancy is in full swing here. The wife's bump is expanding with increasing power. With multiple members of our family on both sides coming in at over six and a half feet there is fearful look in the eyes of the mother-to-be and she contemplates the algebra of baby giants. We'll probably just skip buying the zero to six months baby clothes and move right to triple XL. I'm already in talks with recruiting agents for the Portland Trailblazers.

By all accounts the wife is rail-thin skinny so it's something to see the belly expand with possibility. Better yet are all the fab new clothes she gets wear. I have to admit I'm a bit jealous of elastic-paneled jeans. They look pretty damn comfortable.

Now, lets address a serious matter; you people with your insane name suggestions. It's pretty evident that if I left the naming of Baby Skelton up to the readers of this blog then the kid would grow up to be, a) a Metal Rawk God or, b) a semi-professional wrestler. Seriously, I'll be damned if I'm going to name my kid Thor, Lemmy, Bruiser, or Üdo. It's just not happening folks.

In other family news, the cats have taken well to embracing their new outdoor freedoms. They don't play in the street and they've held their ground against neighboring enemy cats. Sure Layla got stuck up in a tree last week but even before I was able to fetch a ladder she was able devise a strategy for decent. Even the cats understand the importance of having a good exit strategy.

Tomorrow. Gorilla Biscuits in Seattle. You can bet there'll be a smile on my face. How about yours!?

August 12, 2006

Metal By Numbers 1 2 3
Hilarious video by Brian Posehn (featuring Scott Ian). Make sure to check the ending where the Posehn metal logo is revealed.

August 10, 2006

The Skeltons Are Expanding
Dear Readers,
The rumors are true. The misses has been working on a secret little project for the last 15 weeks and it is now time that all is revealed.

You guessed it. With the aid of potato chips, fudge bars, and fresh cherries, she's been busy growing another addition to the Skelton family.

According to our doctor and his high-tech tummy televisions, it looks like we are having a BOY baby.

Whole. Eee. Crap. How much fun is this going to be?!?

- Afrodad

P.S. Already lobbying for the name 'Furious'.

August 07, 2006

Experiments on Cats
Do cats understand the notion of 'Freedom'? I'm guessing no. Even so, our two little fur muppets have been feeling somewhat revolutionary as of late. Could have something to do with Fidel Castro feeling a bit under-the-weather these days? Perhaps the cats felt some of the deeper seismic shifts in the geo-political landscape? Or maybe they just yearn to stuff their noses down mole holes. Whatever the case - the cats want out! This 'being-an-indoor-cat-shit just ain't cutting it for 'em anymore. It's been pretty tragic really. They spend their days, glued to the screen door, gazing out on lawns they've never felt the touch of. You walk buy them and they give you that sad cry that says, "why not?". God-forbid the misses and I are outside together. Then the chorus of cries is positively heartbreaking.

So, we made the big, BIG step this weekend to begin to transition these guys to the great outdoors. It hasn't been easy. First, I went to the pet shop and got 'em some dope necklaces with bells and pink name tags (to keep my masculinity in check I blasted Iron Maiden in the car all the way).

The necklaces didn't go over so well. Nope. Not at all. Ungrateful little...

Luckily as soon as the door was opened and they were allowed to go at it, they quickly forgot about the necklaces. They took to the yard with serious reservations tho. They kept one eye on us the whole time, like we were playing some dirty trick and at any moment were going to start chasing them with four foot chain-saws.

Layla disappeared into a dense bush and my heart sank (Note to future self: Man, if this is anything like letting your kids go off to college or to summer camp, your shit's going to be a wreak). One minute later, Layla comes back out of the bush with a mouse hanging from her mouth!! Wow - The animal instinct - you just can't fight it. It's what these creatures were meant to do.

My biggest problem right now is a certain Enemy Cat that belongs to the neighbors behind us. He's big, dark gray and seriously aggro. My cats, sweet and small, will be lounging innocently around the yard when all of the sudden the Enemy Cat will jump up and and make an appearance on the back fence post. All heads turn in unison. If you listen closely, you can hear that whistle from the theme song to 'The Good The Bad & The Ugly'. So yeah, there's already been some epic border battles between the forces of good and evil. Actually, this morning, I had the back door ajar and at one point saw Enemy Cat poking his head inside. Serious security breach.

Of course, you have to go all or nothing with this outdoor thing. The entire backyard is fenced off from all neighbors and the front yard. But that's no real deterrent to a determined cat. It's hard but you have to just accept the fact that they're going to be able to go wherever, whenever. This is something we are working at slowly.

Bonus: Bob Nanna (ex Hey Mercedes & Braid) makes great mini-songs based on Threadless T-shirts.

Three House (song / shirt),
I Hate Stripes (song / shirt).

He's got 92 of 'em so far. Amazingly, he's written these songs while going through Chemo for lymphoma.

August 04, 2006

There Are Some Things That Never Die
Man, the amount of old school punk/hardcore media that's been resurfacing on sites like YouTube and Flickr is becoming positively daunting. It's like all the old Zines from the 80's and 90's got drunk on a few cases of Milwaukee's Best one night and threw up all over the internet. I need to talk to my crack squad of scientists that I keep in the garage and see how they are coming along with that clone. I mean, I could kill days wadding through all these golden oldies. I need a whole team of myselves (with matching jerseys: 'Team Skelton') just to keep up.

One of my favorite YouTube finds as of late are thesetwo videos from the year 1812 showing NoMeansNo when they were just an experimental duo of young lions with full manes. For full contrast, fast forward a century to this video. NoMeansNo, are like a fine wine; the older the get the more incredible and delicious they become. They also never broke up nor cashed in on a 'reunion tour', they just stayed constant, relevant and important. A triphecta that's extremely rare.

Recent Flickr finds include: This was DC/1980's, Pre-IFC Rollins..., Ian MacKaye - Wilson Center, HR Bad Brains - Chapel Hill - 1980, Verbal Assualt.

August 01, 2006

FOUND: Or Else
The misses and I agree that this is one of our favorites from the new FOUND II book put out by Davy Rothbart. It was found by Michelle Skinner in Lansing, MI.

All The Colors of a Lotus
The new West Elm catalog is really pushing the boundaries of cognitive color association. A good example are these fab lotus pillows. I kind of like the "orange" one. But orange is not a color option to choose from. Want to match wits with the West Elm marketing department? Here is the challenge: match the West Elm color with the four corresponding lotus pillows (pictured above). The colors are: leek, spray, ivory and shiitake. Good luck.