January 30, 2006

Tonka Toys and Toyota
This weekend's most entertaining purchase came from the used book stacks at Powells Books. It's a book called Tonka. I bought it mostly for the images of all the old Tonka Toys, but when I started reading it I found that it was much more than just a picture book. The authors (one of whom is an old vice-president of the company), tell a compelling story about a small toy manufacturer from Mounds Minnesota. The book has interesting profiles of Tonka employees and gives a detailed history of the company before manufacturing was moved from Lake Minnetonka to El Paso. The company was bought in 1991 by Hasbro and although the Tonka brand still brings in millions a year, most of the manufacturing now takes place in China. I grabbed the above photo from this great collection. More Tonka here, and here.

On a somewhat related note (from toys to the real thing), the misses and I went to the Portland Auto Show this weekend. Meh. I think Sandra Bullock's husband Jesse James put it best. When talking about the Ford Motor Company in this Sunday's New York Times, he said:

"Look underneath a Mercedes or an Audi. It's all stainless steel and aluminum, built to last. I don't think we build stuff to last. In 1998, I bought an El Dorado. At 30,000 miles, it started to fall apart.

Detroit forgot the groundwork of Henry Ford: to make a car that anyone could buy. And to and make it nice and a pioneer in technology. I'm working on a hydrogen-powered car. Ford even has a motor I could have used, but they didn't see a value in the project. But the Europeans are doing research on this, and the Japanese are, too.

Society's changing. Look, I'm a biker with tattoos, but I drive a Mercedes Smart Car and I would drive a hydrogen-powered one.""

It was kinda sad really. Of course, the Toyota section was happening and the new 2007 Camry Hybrids and the retro styled FJ cruiser look nice, but the Ford and Dodge sections of the show were ghost towns. They really had nothing to compete against the foreign models. Dodge's new 2007 Charger looks like it was designed for a demographic of foolish David Hasselhoff impersonators. Just awful.

For some reason the new Lexus Hybrid was on a "look but don't touch" platform which was disappointing. It was also disappointing to see it's fuel economy was only 18/25 (city/highway). I believe, in the 2007, you got to bring better than 18/25. Especially for a hybrid! Shit, even the new janky looking Mazdas sedans get 28/35.

The car my ass felt the most pampered in: Porsche Carrera GT.

The vehicle that hates tall people: The New Jeep Wrangler. Not designed for anyone over six feet tall.

Car with the most Dungeons & Dragons players lurking about: The Scion xB

The car I desire the most: my 2006 Passat. Yes, it's STILL IN THE GOD DAMN SHOP!!

January 27, 2006

Nothing In This Post Has Been Embellished
Yesterday, sitting on my comfy couch, feet up on the ottoman, I was busy watching the drama unfold on Oprah - popping jelly beans and drinking a Ginger Ale. Meanwhile, somewhere in this great city the misses was toiling away at work. Doesn't seem right, does it? "Oh well", I thought as I plunged my face into a salad bowl filled with pure Columbian crank.

January 26, 2006

The Empty Halls of Retail
Was there some major television event last night at around 7pm that I don't know about, cause the retail isles of our local Target Store were frighteningly deserted. Normally, I wouldn't complain about not having to jockey my red cart racer through the the hordes of people desperate for a Diet Mountain Dew resupply, but last night, the store was so vacant of humans it was unsettling. Also, I noticed right away that there wasn't any musak being played over the PA. No whitewashed Billy Joel to subliminally guide me towards the tool section. Is this something I've never picked up on before or does Target usually have some kind of musak playing? I think they do.

Even more than friends and families, we expect our big box retailers to be consistent in every detail. We expect there to be throngs of people that we must crawl over to grab one of the last (of 400) Mizrahi Denim Tablecloths (wtf?). And we expect to have some pleasant pop music cascading through the aisles when we're gettin' aggro' for linens. And when there's some hiccup in the system and these pieces aren't in play...well, dammit that's when people get scared?

Fortunately, the misses and I took matters into our own hands. We quickly located the aisle of music instruments (since when did target start carrying drum kits?), and revved up two of those Casioesque type synthesizers. The misses was in the mood for a samba so she selected rhythm 78 and turned it up real loud. I chose 'Harpsichord' on my machine and soon we were locked into a power jam. Unfortunately the instruments were bolted down so we weren't able to take our jams on the road. But our micro jam served its purpose. I was back on level ground and soon began making all kinds of debatable purchases, like the brigade of type-stickers pictured above.

January 24, 2006

Dear Internet
I think I am developing a crush on Miss Jane Marple (as portrayed by Joan Hickson). That saucy spinster makes me a bit light in the head and weak in the knees whenever she's out sleuthing. Please don't tell the misses.

January 23, 2006

Adjusting to the Weather
It looks like we picked a hell of a year to move to the Pacific Northwest. We've had record amounts of rain here in Portland this winter and when I'm not busy pushing pixels I'm in the workshop building my Ark. We are in the thick of it now and the January skies have been dark and unbroken. So far though, it hasn't bothered us any or slowed us down. No Prozak pills have been ordered and no one broods around the house despondent or sullen. The one change I have noticed is that I'm taking less pictures. I think I tend to like to take snaps when there is an abundance of natural light or rather I see things I want to take pictures of when sunlight plays with objects. So while the sun stays hidden so does the camera. Poop.

The other major adjustment comes from the wardrobe department. The misses and I have got closets full of jackets, boots and mittens, ready to take on -20 degree temperatures, but we own precious little in the way of breathable warm weather rain gear or boots ready to take on muddy trails. The last few weekends we've gone on some comical hikes. Veteran Portlanders, decked out in full traction footwear and removable layers rock past us and laugh as we struggle to hold our footing and clumsily lurch forward, trying to find a small tree to support us. The time has come to make some tactical wardrobe investments. Look for all my winter coats to be on Craigslist by the end of the day.

Also, a special shout out and congratulations to Joey and Mackenzie on the birth of their son Coleson. Damn, he's a cute one.

January 18, 2006

Electric Miles
Miles Davis The Cellar Door Sessions 1970 Box Set. I simply must have this! A whole days worth of critical Miles listening all wrapped up in a beautiful package. Playing with John Mclaughlin and Airto Moreira, this has to be one of the best bands assembled in the 20th Century. I watched an electric Miles bootleg DVD the other day, and was struck by the man's focus and generosity. He gave so much room for others to play their brains out. He deserves some kind of National holiday.

January 16, 2006

Must Love Dogs
More exciting adventures with wandering wayward pups this weekend. The dog gods are trying to tell us something. This time it was a 10-month-old Beagle that adopted us for an afternoon. This little lightning bolt of a dog bolted through our gate as we were cleaning the back yard of more downed tree limbs. She circled the yard like a midget race car and made all the moves to try and impress. The neighbors came out and asked us about our "new dog". They were disappointed to learn we didn't know where she came from. A quick survey of other folks in the neighborhood revealed little about the puppy. The case was afoot. We borrowed some dog supplies from the neighbors and walked the pooch around the hood hoping someone would recognize the little devil. No luck and no leads. We took the dog back to our place and put her in the garage where she immediately started to howl like a good little beagle. The cats were terrified. We called the City Pound but they were closed. This was not good as we were in no position to host the dog for the evening. We had a house guest coming that evening and we didn't think they would appreciate the midnight howling. And I was sure the cats would never speak to us again. We decided to take the Beagle to the emergency animal hospital to see if it was caring an identification chip. Unfortunately they didn't find one on the dog. No chip and no colar. Boy, someone really loves this dog. Luckily an extremely nice couple was at the hospital with an enormous Mastiff. They jumped at the chance to take the Beagle and hold it until the owner was found, and if it wasn't claimed they would give it a lovely home. We felt really good about that and left the Beagle in their care. The combination huge Mastiff and puppy Beagle was hilarious. The Mastiff could have fit the Beagle's entire head in its mouth.

The next morning we put up some 'Found Dog' flyers in the neighborhood. About half an hour later a women appeared at our door looking for her dog named 'Daisy'. Case closed and Daisy is now back in her proper home. They live about three blocks away. I admit to being a bit angry with this women. She appeared rather haggard at our door as she explained that she and her husband were at respective Bachelorette and Bachelor parties the day before. If I see Daisy again running around without a collar there is going to be hell to pay. Hell to pay I tell ya.

January 13, 2006

Let There By A Duel
If ever there were grounds to see a proper modern day duel between worthy protagonists, I can think of no better opportunity than this James Frey versus The Smoking Gun scandal. Hot damn. We've got a full blown literary scandal on our hands here folks. Even the major television news programs have replaced their endless stories about the Sabo mines and Lindsey Lohan with a controversy regarding a book! Man, that's so 18th century. I love it. If I could wish for just one thing in 2006 it would be for MORE LITERARY SCANDALS.

Now, the only thing that's missing from this scandal is a good olde fashion duel at dawn. Back in the day, when someone called 'bullshit' on you in print you didn't appear on Larry King (with your mom!) to clear your name and beseech your enemies. Nah uh. You got busy with pistols, rapiers or foils. I think this is the only way we can really get closure on this controversy.

I propose that James Frey and a representative from The Smoking Gun put it all on the line. I think the duel should be a public one, fought in some mammoth stadium, like the ones used for that game they play in those Harry Potter books. The James Frey crowd should be wearing turquoise t-shirts with 'Go Jimmy' printed in boldface. The Smoking Gun crowd shall be clad in Orange shirts with a Maroon block print of, what else, a smoking gun. And the duel should be an up close and personal kind of affair, so I recommend short swords or daggers. Vegas would go nuts. My money would be on Frey, especially if Oprah was his Second.

January 11, 2006

My House Shakes At Night
I remember the rain. I also remember these unending stretches of days where the sun hibernates in the deep pockets of the thick gray overcoat this city wears so well. But, I do not remember this wind - these heavy tempests that roll in around dusk and beat my evergreens throughout the night. Each morning, after I look out over the estate, I assess damages and then patiently roam the grounds, collecting the anemic limbs that didn't make it to see the morning. I drag them all to the expanding brush pile in the Southwest corner of the lot, next to the holly trees.

Last night as the winds began to kick up and drive the rain horizontal, I noticed a soaked kid and his grumpy yellow dog struggling on my front stoop. I was directly below in the driveway and from my vantage point it looked like the kid was trying to choke the dog. I yelled up to him through the rain. He yelled back that his dog, this dog, had run away. He had found it on my stoop trying to break in. Smart dog. I walked up the front steps to find the kid yanking with everything he had on the collar of his stubborn hound. The dog clearly had no intention of budging one inch. I was hesitant to help the kid in his efforts as I have a healthy respect for dogs that I do not know. And this one already looked massively irritated. Eventually, after I presented my case and made it clear to the mutt that I had no intention of letting him into my abode, it relented a bit and presented an unconvincing happy face. But it took the arrival of the kid's parents in minivan to satisfy the dog's misgivings and assuage the dread of walking home in this weather. The inertia it displayed earlier was replaced by blinding speed as it leapt like a gazelle from my front porch through the open side door of the minivan. Crisis averted but something tells me this isn't the last I'll see of that hound.

Currently enjoying...

Music: The often overlooked Duke Pearson and his album The Phantom. The cuts written by Airto are massive toe-tappers.

Movies: Any documentary with the word 'Grizzly' in the title. Grizzly Man and Project Grizzly. And, oh yeah, The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams.

Books: The works of Helene Hanff. 84, Charing Cross Road and Q Legacy.

Television: The fact that at any hour of the day there's bound to be some James Bond movie playing on some channel. Speaking of...The Guardian has a good piece about Sir Ken Adams, the production designer who is responsible for bringing to the screen all the those great sets from the early films.

January 09, 2006

Experiments With Jelly Beans and Other Firsts
This weekend saw some mad experiments in the kitchen, not all of which were good. I'm really not at that point in my cooking career where I should start improvising. Nope, I should be following recipes with strict obedience. The loose idea of 'eyeballing' amounts and measurements should still draw penalty flags and chants of 'flagrant foul' from my inner referee. My neighbor came over the other day whilst I was baking some cookies. He took one look at my cuisine laboratory and noticeably grimaced at the turd like droppings that had just come out of the oven. He remarked, "What the hell are those?"

"Cookies". I said. "chocolate chip to be precise."

"Man, those are really sorry looking".

Defeated but realistic, I had to agree. In all honesty they tasted worse then they looked. And I have to imagine that chocolate chip cookies are pretty hard to fuck up. It doesn't help matters that his wife is a professional baker. I should have never let that snarky unbeliever in my house in the first place.

Whatever. The fight continues. I shall not succumb to the shallow, uncultured tastes of every doubting Thomas. No. I shall press on and make delicate folds in the pie crust of the avant guard. In that spirit, I present to you the fruits of my latest epicurean experiments. Consider - nay, Behold! Jelly Beans and Wine! Really. It's good. Trust me. To start, get yourself a bag of those exotic flavored Jelly Beans (the new valentine flavors are especially good for this) and a bottle of your favorite dry white wine. Pop individual beans and then chase them down with sips of wine. The different flavored beans bring out all kinds of crazy sweet (and sour) tastes from the wine. Serve as a dessert.

Continuing on the experimental cuisine vibe. This weekend, the misses and I visited the massive Asian market called Uwajimaya for the first time. This place is unbelievable. A whole aisle dedicated to soy sauce. Another for tofu! I came home with bags of exotic vegetables that I have no idea how to prepare. I can't even remember what some of them are called. I even considered attempting to make my own sushi. But then I stopped. I took a deep breath and pictured my neighbor standing in my kitchen wearing a referee uniform. He was blowing a whistle and making some wild hand gestures before he exclaimed, "Hey SirCooksALot, I think you need to graduate chocolate chip cookie school before making the quantum leap to sushi school." He's got a good point. Fucker!

Another in a weekend of firsts for this newly transplanted Portlander, was an inaugural visit to the city dump. Not nearly as tantalizing as the Asian market but equally fragrant. Actually, the dump rules. Where else can adults go and throw things with violent force and break things and stomp on things without anybody batting an eye? Aggression is encouraged at the dump. It's also very humbling and life affirming to see gigantic mountains of a cities refuse, sprawled out in concrete warehouses, bathed in warm fluorescence. It kinda gives you the chills. Or maybe that's just the stench.

January 06, 2006

First Thursday
Cruised down to the Pearl District last night in our newly rented über-swank Chevy Malibu (they're saying the Passat will be good-as-new by the 16th). Landry Deese (step-brother of the misses) and his partner Kim Hamblin were having an opening of their work at the Visage Artspace, a cool little eye-wear shop/gallery. Landry's working on sculpting new amphibious species out of clay, complete with type written neo-biologies. Kim works in vivid technicolor multi-media (mostly paper, paint and nails - lots of nails). I like her work a lot (pictured above). If you get a chance, you should get down there and check it out.

After the opening, our motley crew ended up at a ridiculous bar/lounge called Apotheke. This all white, German, minimalist catastrophe is something to behold. In hindsight, I should have appreciated the clean aesthetic but the place seemed to be trying way to hard to not be a parody of itself. It didn't help the vibe that the place was full of small pasty kids with asymmetrical hair cuts, all looking way too bored with life. Viva l'arte.

January 05, 2006

Bent Steel
Welcome to 2006, feel free to smash your car into anything you like. Uggh. Crashed up the new ride the other night. Great way to start the new year on the positive tip. Good news is nobody was hurt. I smacked into a parked car about three blocks from the Skelton Ranch. No one was in the parked car.

The accident occurred at night on a particularly tricky and narrow piece of residential road that has multiple switch backs on a steep grade. Another car was coming up the hill in the opposite direction where there is a bit of a blind corner. The car flicked its brights to let me know it was coming. That startled the heck out of me and I jogged the car to the right. I was unable to make a correction before slamming into a car that was parked on the road. Fucking hell.

The fantastically bizarre part of the story involves the folks whose car I hit. Turns out the car that I hit was actually a rental car. The car was rented because both of their SUV's had been smashed in two separate incidents during the snow/ice storm we had a couple of weeks ago. These people were getting used to people crashing into their cars. It was almost like my name was Ed McMahon when I walked up to their door and told them I had killed their car. "Oh no problem, come on in, have a beer."

Funny how we only get to know our neighbors when tragedy strikes.

So yeah, these folks were more than cool about it. Technically I didn't even have an accident with them at all. I had an accident with Enterprise Car Rental. Fortunately insurance will pick up the tab for everything except a $500 deductible. None of this however makes me feel good about the fact that I smashed up a perfectly good car that was barely three month old. Luckily most of the damage is just to the body of the car and none of the air bags blew out.

Let's be careful out there.

January 03, 2006

Stylin' my Slips in the Double-O-Six
Welcome to another year of Afrojet blogging. It feels good to be back. Hope everyone had a fine holiday season. I'm enjoying the new year in massive comfort thanks to the lovely pair of replacement Uggs that I received from the misses. Without question, The Ugg slipper was the most used and appreciated item from my wardrobe in 2005 and I don't think 2006 will be any different.

I'm not much for New Year's resolutions. The shame, the guilt, the failures - I'll let other folks deal with those elephants. This year, I've decided that I will only 'resolve' to do something after it's done. You'd be amazed how fast the win column fills up in the scorecard of life when you take this approach. My only real resolution that will be ongoing this year is to eat more Lemon Meringue pie. I will look back fondly on the final days of 2005 when I was kindly introduced to the pie. Sadly, I had made it 32 1/2 years without ever crossing paths with that tart treat. 2006 is all about righting that wrong. I have total confidence in my ability to make good on this resolution.

Ma Skelton was here for a solid visit over the holidays. Over bottomless cups of black coffee we plotted world dominations and cruised to different spots all over the city. Together we identified almost all of the flora and all varieties of vegetation on the Skelton plot and made designs for some hard yard work in the spring. The only mystery that remains is a large tree in the front yard that she claims is a Magnolia tree while other say it's some kind of fruit tree. I am devoid of opinion on this subject.

After a cruel battle these last few weeks with the poison oak. I'm happy to report I'm about 90% recovered. I've still got some nasty marking on my right calf but I don't think there will be any scaring. I am however resolved that if I ever venture out again on my fathers property I will be wearing one of these.

Also, I had some bizarre email hiccup between Christmas and the New Year, where all of my email was being duplicated like 50 times. At one point I had over 74,000 messages in my inbox. This brought a lot of emailing to a standstill and I had to do some major surgery to get things back to normal. So, for all you folks who emailed me pictures of cats (or lambs) wearing funny holiday hats or other good messages of cheer, you might consider resending them to me. Or not. It's your call.