July 29, 2005

The Great White Buffalo
The Motor City Madman is playing at Harriet Island tonight. I have to be honest here and admit that I would totally like to go see The Nuge kick out the fucking jams this evening. It's funny, but, the deeper the Detroit rocker swims in the hateful political deep-end, the more I continue to dig the tunes. I still am unashamed whenever I catch myself humming the catchy chorus to 'Wang Dang Sweet Poontang'. It's like he's testing me in a game of wills. Tonight he's playing at some kind of Rib Festival. How sweet is that? Thousands of folks gnawing on spicy bones, red stained hands pumping the cool night air, all chanting in communal song: "Yank Me, Crank Me, But Don't Wake Up And Thank Me!"

Lyrical excerpt from the Great White Buffalo:

Well, it happened long time ago, in the new magic land. The Indian and the buffalo, they existed hand in hand.... The Indian needed food, he needed skins for a roof. But he only took what they needed, baby. Millions of buffalo were the proof. Yeah, its all right... But then came the white man, with his thick and empty head. He couldnt see past the billfold, he wanted all the buffalo dead. It was sad...It was sad. Oh yeah...yes indeed.

July 27, 2005

Swillmart
My shredder has been pushed to the edge of collapse these last few days. I spent most of last night knee deep in large boxes of old papers and forgotten folders. I fed king-sized portions of pulp into the dispassionate teeth of my favorite ribbon maker. Amongst all the shavings, I ran across metric tons of neato nostalgia. For example, I found a folder of police reports from 1999 that documented a time when my veteran oldsmobile was stolen on an almost bi-weekly basis. Ah, the memories. I also found this interesting little parody of a newspaper circular advertisement. It's for a store called Swillmart (At Swillmart, We Take the Profits and Pass the Prices On to You!). It looks to have been produced sometime in the 70's but I'm unclear as to its origins. The above pictured item is just one of the great products from the NoNamo company that was available from the Swillmart catalog. Other products include titles like: Liquid Carpet, Swillmont Wine, Home Salt Lick, and the Legionnaire's Disease Detectolarm.

July 26, 2005

The Little Elph
The new camera hunt is over and I am back on the mountain top, looking out over the digital frontier - poised and ready to capture everything that falls in front of my viewfinder. I elected to go with a camera that was robust yet entirely portable and procured the pocket sized Canon Elph. I flirted briefly with the Pentax Digital SLR only because I was told that it was designed to be back compatible with old school analog Pentax lenses, of which I have several. But upon further investigation I learned that although the old lenses do indeed fit on the newer digital SLR cameras, it's virtually impossible to get an accurate f/stop reading. One has to experiment by taking multiple pictures and then look at the LCD screen to see if the light and exposure are correct. Tedious.

So far the little Elph is proving to be the little camera that could. The biggest improvement over my last digital camera is the quick shutter speed and the almost nonexistent delay between pressing the shutter and capturing the image. There are a whole bunch of bells and whistles on the camera that I'll probably never use. One of those is something called 'color swap', which allows the user to pick a color from any object in the viewfinder and then swap it for another color. So, for example, you could pick out the color red on a red car and then take a picture of a green car and just like that the green car becomes red. Interesting enough, but nothing I thought I would ever use. But then I started doing the color swap thing with my neighbors house, the results of which made me think this could be a really useful feature if somebody was thinking of repainting the exterior of their house or even the interior for that matter.


I think it would definitely be an improvement over simple paint chips. Although, one could pick a paint chip color and swap it in for the current color of the house. In the example above, I took one photo of my neighbors garage, which is painted a color I will call 'latte'. Then I used the color swap mode and took three more pictures, painting the garage yellow, green, and dark gray. Those colors were pulled from a yellow bag of sidewalk salt, a green leaf, and a garbage can. As you can see the results are not perfect but it gives a fairly good idea of what the garage might look like in those colors.

July 25, 2005

Bot Flies
There is a funny David Sedaris story in the current New Yorker called 'It's Catching: Worms, Germs, and Christmas'. Part of the tale recounts Maw Hamrick's run in with a parasite in the Congo. The parasite of Sedaris' story sounds frighteningly similar to the disturbing bot fly parasite that I had the unfortunate pleasure of knowing when I last traveled in Belize.

I'm a bit unclear of the biology, but basically a mosquito that was carrying the bot fly larva bit me. The larva went under my skin and for the next four days there was little I could do but let this thing fester inside me and mature to the point where it decided to leave my body freely. Once it's ready, the little guy poked it's little head out of a whole in the skin and began to unhook it's claws and make its way out. Only at that time, was I able to squeeze the little fucker out and feed it unceremoniously to one of the nearby dogs that was hungry for the little protein scooby snack.

Not being very familiar with these horrible creatures, I of course was deeply troubled and grief stricken the entire time I acted as "host" to my newly acquired friend. All of this was quite amusing to the locals who thought nothing of having several of these bot flies occupy their body. There was even small stakes betting on larva maturation and other such odd behavior that made me conclude that all these bot flies had begun to leave long lasting neuropsychological damage on many of the locals.

See also: another good bot fly story.

July 22, 2005

The NHL Got A New Logo
Thank the stars that Hockey will be returning this year. And just in time for the new season the league has put forth a new steely looking logo. My first one second impression was, 'Oakland Raiders!'. I'm not sure if this hazardous blade-like logo will completely replace the old orange and black but I dare say it looks a whole lot meaner. If you're not careful, you could cut yourself on those serifs. I'm not convinced that this is the image the frazzled league needs to project right now. It kind of borders on mercenary. Also, anything new, even a new logo, has the potential to alienate fans and the league can't afford to do that. I do like how the letters are now going up the sash instead of down. It's a nice visual cue to reinforce that the league is moving up, up up and not down. Let's hope this proves true.

The Snare of Preparation
The household goods are slowly collapsing into organized and bold faced labeled moving boxes. My alabaster ankles and shins bear the brunt of our preparations as I continue to stumble into all kinds of low lying square hazards that now clutter our floors. Uncontrollable swearing binges that would make my viking ancestors wince, spill forth from my mouth at an unprecedented rate. The unclosed flap of a box not yet filled lies in wait for its chance to lash out and saw into the flesh of my leg. Yeah, can't wait to be done with this stage!

The moving arrangements are a grind to say the least. This weekend's projects include the complete pack up of all the vinyl. What a bitch. It's enough to make me want to poor gasoline on 'em, set 'em ablaze, and forget I ever even owned 'em.

We've got the moving truck all lined up. They'll be dropping of the trailer on the 5th of August. We'll have the weekend to pack it up and then Monday they come and take it away. With any luck, the truck, still in possession of all our goods, will arrive safety in the port of Portland sometime around the 15th of August. I think we'll be jumping in the car with cats in tow around the 10th. Arriving in Portland on the 11th or 12th.

Incedently, the amount of space we've reserved on the trailer that will be taking our stuff out west measures exactly 10 X 8 X 9, which just so happens to be the exact dimensions of our present day kitchen. I've clocked a lot of time now staring at our kitchen, scratching my head, trying to imagine everything we own pilled up and fitting nicely in that space. I've even begun to play a lot of Tetris in the hopes that this will somehow exercise that part of the brain that deals with impossible spacial arrangements.

July 20, 2005

The Passing of a Good Friend
With heavy heart dear readers, I am sad to announce the untimely passing of my digital friend - the Canon Powershot G1. Oh the sadness that has befallen me. My partner in crime, my most trusted sidekick, has passed on to the scenic heavens. I am now without any digital means to capture the daily panoramas of life's great stories.

I feared this day would come. About a month ago, I heard a mysterious rattling inside the camera, an important piece of machinery had broken free from its moorings and was drifting aimless about the cavity of the camera. From that point on things degenerated rapidly. Two weeks ago, the camera lost all control of its ability to zoom. I pleaded, I nurtured, but I was powerless to negotiate the matter, the camera just refused to see things close up. It only wanted to stroll about on the periphery and see things from afar. Then, just yesterday, while attempting to take a picture of my fancy new haircut, it locked up completely. In the final moments, it made helpless whining sounds as if it were struggling to break free from some internal blockage. And then, my friends, it died.

Oh yes I will grieve. I will remember fondly all the great adventures we had and all the things we saw. Over the years I have grown very accustom to having the camera by my side. And now, with its passing not yet a day old, I find my life a little bit empty. And that's why I got to find a replacement for the Canon G1. Fast. There are just too many adventures coming up that need to be properly documented in full living color. I must not dwell on the past. I shall move quickly to the future. The only question remains: what will be the next camera?

The main reasons the G1's life was cut short was mainly do to my constant abuse of the camera. To put it rather bluntly, It's safe to say I was downright cruel. I tossed it around. I stuck it bike bags completely unprotect. I shoved it in cargo pockets that were already filled with keys and phones. I have only myself to blame. The G1 is a rather large camera, not the SUV size of a Canon EOS but it's not a portable camera like, say, the Canon Elph. Unfortunately, I treated it like a portable camera and in doing so hastened its demise.

So now the dilemma of what to buy. For me it boils down to portability versus flexibility. Do I go with the sleek portability of something like the Elph that would allow my to have a small and accessible camera constantly at my fingertips - ready for rapid fire snapping - or, do I graduate to the more versatile and flexible EOS. A camera that would give me a greater aperture on the world and the ability to develop my photography skills beyond the simple automatic point and shoot. Of course the price differential is quite large.

Until that decision is made, and I am once again able to snap freely, I fear these pages could be a bit text heavy.

July 18, 2005

The Unencumbered Estate
And on the tenth day, the air conditioner was allowed a day of rest. The heat wave has given pause here today But I fear it's going to be a brief respite following the last nine days of temperatures above 90 degrees. Apparently we haven't experienced a heat wave like this since the late 1800's. Hot Damn indeed! Of course, it was only natural that we would hold our garage sale on the hottest day of the year. Luckily this thing was billed as a 'garage sale' and not a 'yard sale' which meant that we could take cover all day in the hot box that was our garage. Fortunately, the heat did not discourage the masses from flocking to our goods. By all accounts the day (see photos) was a huge success. The craigslist geeks came early shouting with deep lisps, "hey there fellow Craigslister!!", at once giving that title a heavy air of dorkiness that made me regret my loose affiliation immediately. Luckily, they all bought a lot of crap. The kids were the best part of the sale. They singlehandedly suckered their sweltering parents into shucking out cash for items I'm 100% sure they didn't even know the purpose of. One boy used some jedi mind trick on his parent to buy a complete set of silverware. Silverware! What 12 year-old boy needs a complete set of silverware?

Anticipating the heat of the day, I stocked a cooler with ice cold bottled water and cokes. Sold 'em for 25 cents a piece I did. This turned out to be the deal closer. Overheated bodies became so happy once hydrated that they didn't even think twice before paying full price for hair curlers, broken lamps, and used garden edging.

After the sale we were flush with money and dying for that special kind of super-powered air conditioning that can only be found in megaplex theaters. We saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory which was terrific. Johnny Depp owns Wonka. He's alarmingly good. His Wonka character was so good in fact that I was kinda bummed that it was tethered to the plot of the movie, which was familiar. I wanted to see Johnny's Wonka outside the boundaries of the script. I propose a movie be made called something like; "The Mad Adventures of The Johnny Four", it would be co-directed by Terry Gilliam and Tim Burton and would star only Johnny Depp. The four main characters would be Johnny's Willie Wonka, Hunter S. Thompson, Captain Jack Sparrow, and Don Quixote. They would be a merry band of travelers cruising different geographical locations and historical/futuristic time periods. Along the way they would run into and have adventures with all the other characters Johnny has ever played - like the 21 Jump Street guy, Edward Scissorhands and Donnie Brasco. Think about it. It would be kick ass!

July 15, 2005

Garage Sale
Stop buy and purchase some of our discarded detritus tomorrow at our garage sale. If you are so inclined, here's a map.

Voldemort Can't Stop the Rock!
The misses is signed up to get her new Harry Potter this evening. Although I've never read any of 'em, I'm curious enough to go witness the cultural oddity that is the Harry Potter fan base bedazzled in their frock and habit.

Here is a sampling of Potter Mania in our own backyard:

Minneapolis Public Library:
In celebration of the Harry Potter mania, the Library and Minneapolis Parks will feature a concert by the band, "Harry and the Potters".
The duo is performing a free concert at Kenwood Park, 2101 W. Franklin Ave., Tuesday, July 19th at 6:30pm.
The band has two albums out: Harry and the Potters and Voldemort Can't Stop the Rock! featuring songs such as: I Am a Wizard, The Dark Lord Lament, My Teacher Is a Werewolf, and The Missing Arm of Viktor Krum. With this summer's release of the sixth Harry Potter, the band is finding itself quite busy.

Birchbark Books:
marshmallow roasting
ugly vegtables (for those on a marshmallow free diet)
a golden snitch pinata
a costume party in July
a wicked good time with friends
Brian Baxter, star of KSTP six o'clock news, in costume

Minnesota Zephyr
In honor of the release, the Minnesota Zephyr and the Valley Bookseller are teaming up for a special "Hogwarts Express.” The depot will be transformed into "diagon alley" complete with magic and candy shops. "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince" books will also be available to buy.

Also, check out your whole list of Potter Parties in Minnesota.

July 13, 2005

All-Star Wine List
Quite often, the long journeys I must take to bring back the freshest content for these here pages require that I spend an occasional evening getting sotted and becoming plowed. It is a sacrifice I must make. But, I do it all for you, my faithful readers.

Last night became one of those oiled evenings, the fruits of which I will now share. I toured over to my friends Jodi and Heather's place to cheer on the American League in the All Star Game. These friends of mine besides being huge baseball geeks are hardcore wine buffs ta boot. Once the variety of vinos were uncorked the game merely became background entertainment to an unprecedented wine tasting party. I, knowing very little about wine, was greatly impressed with the knowledge talk and quite bowled over by many of the selections. I became pleasantly drunk too. At evenings end I had Heather draw me up a list so I might remember some of the selections. Here now is that list. Most of these are under $20 and a great many of them are $10 or less.

Whites:
Kings Estate Pinot Gris, Oregon (mineral, alcohol)
Pavao Vinho Verde, Spain (light, effervescent)
Giesen Sauvignon Blanc (brilliant, grapefruit)
El Portillo Sauvignon Blanc (cheap, grapefruit, dry)
Wachauer Rainer Wess Gruner Veltliners, Austria (minerality, salt, great for white fish)

Reds:
Copper Mountain Pinot Noir, Oregon (organic, dark berries)
Altano Douro, Portugal (cheap, great)
Beaucanon Estate Cabernet Franc (huge, elegant)
Protocolo, Vino De La Tierra De Castilla, Spain (cheap, great)
Arbanta Rioja (organic, family farm)
Joao Pires Dry Muscat, Portugal (very dry)
Wildekrans Pinotage (spicy)
Archery Summit, Pinot Noir, Premiere Cuvee, Oregon (more expensive, brilliant)
El Portillo Malbec, Mendoza (chocolate, berry)

July 12, 2005

Employee of the Month
Sitting having a cigarette yesterday I tried to make a mental list off all the jobs that I've ever had. By job, I mean anything that I ever actually got paid to do. So volunteer work didn't count. This is the list I came up with but dammit I know there are some things that I'm forgetting. What's your past job list?

Minneapolis Public School Teacher
House painter
Snow shoveler
Musician
Documentary film maker
Child and Adolescent Treatment Specialist
Barista
Concessions Manager at a bingo hall
Graphic Designer
Creative Director (start up dot com/bomb)
Caterer
House Cleaner
Assistant summer school custodian
Camp Counselor
General Manager (college radio station)
Retail sales (book store, comic book shop)
Researcher
Tour Guide (mexico)
Computer consultant
Bike messenger (portland)
Dishwasher
Tele-marketer (lasted only one day!)
Small Business Owner

I think if I had to pick a favorite (besides my current gig) it would be the job at the 'Pot O' Gold' bingo hall. That shit was the best job evah. Also of note is that 'blogger' does not appear on this list.

July 11, 2005

Pad My Life In Bubblewrap
Damn The Jeffersons and their unyielding theme song!! Why must that exuberant anthem of American Prosperity broadcast itself on my inner brain's hi-fi system repetitively, like the time 93 FM switched over to the 'EDGE' and played R.E.M's 'It's the end of the world as we know it' for 24 hours straight? The answer must lie somewhere in all these moving boxes and the large rolls of bubble wrap that lie about the house like clear futuristic reproductions of those elephant turd hay bails.

Packing for the move out west has begun in earnest. This weekend I made a 'resolve of elimination' and broke ground on sorting through a lifetime of acquisitions in the hopes of narrowing down my trapping to only 'essential items'. The garage sale is set for this Saturday (one day only!!). Come on down and rummage through my back catalog.

We took a break from packing long enough to watch the swell documentary about competitive scrabble. Word Wars captures one of America's most nerdy sub-cultures ever. My favorite scene from the film takes place in the lobby of some hotel that is hosting a scrabble competition. A group of scrabble geeks are sitting on the floor, situated around a board that holds a completed game. They are attempting to do some kind of post-mortem on how the game was played out. The level of nerd power crescendos to alarming levels while a befuddled bride dressed in a white wedding gown watches in horror in the distance. She is no doubt trying to find the words that she will use to chastise her wedding planner for placing her reception in the same hotel as the scrabblers.

Also got out to see my brother's Ska band, the Secondhand Ska Kings, Saturday night at the Red Sea. It was good to see my Melodica getting used for it's pure Plato purpose. After the Skankin', J.G. and I went over to the Viking and caught a couple sets by Pop Wagner 'The Renaissance Cowboy'. Pop Wagner plays some serious old skool Harry Smith type folk music. Pop wears a sweet wide brim topper that would make Curious George's 'The Man with The Yellow Hat' jealous. A great night on the West Bank. I think that one block/intersection of the West Bank is the closest thing Minneapolis has to New York City. You had the whole Minnesota ska community out, there was old time country music a block away and in between there was the bike punk posse holding open-air acoustical jams with east african onlookers. Only a few yards away an epic asian wedding reception was rollicking along in one of the larger asian restaurants.

July 08, 2005

Ranch Inspection
God bless the world wide interweb. Not only were we able to pay for our home inspection using Pay Pal, but we also received our Home Inspection Report via the web. Purchasing a home long distance has been a lot easier than I thought.

Thankfully, the ranch inspection results went pretty well. Not necessarily a clean bill of health, but nothing life threatening or enough to make us withdraw our offer. The roof was one of my biggest concerns as it's almost impossible to see it from the road. Here the report says: "Roof covering looks very good.  Replacement appears recent and well done." Whoop Whoop!

The problems that we'll have to deal with sometime soon after we move in are: 1) The chimney needs to be cleaned before we can blaze up the fireplace, 2) some electrical work is old and needs replaced and, 3) There is a small bit of dry rot under a couple pieces of siding on the back exterior.

Both the realtor and the inspector agree that the although the ranch was well lived in, it wasn't necessarily well loved. Obviously, I got mad love for the Ranch. Things are going to change.

Met with a potential financial advisor last night. What a trip. The guy was a straight up Glenngarry Glen Ross huckster! Seriously dude, if you say shit like, "I can guarantee you that I am better than 99.9% of all Financial Advisors out there", and, AND you have a serious, very earnest look upon your visage when you do mumble this trite cliche, well then, I'm going to have a laugh and never trust my hard earned greenbacks to you.

July 06, 2005

The Wretchedness of My Oculus
Aye. My eye balls feel like they've been rubbed hard with sand and broken glass after my first full day back behind the compu-monitor. I want one of those industrial eye washes that we used to have in the back room of Mr. Jensen's science class. A 30 psi flow rate is the only thing that can help my ailing peepers now. My eye's almost popped out of head and ran away after I accidentally viewed this horrific, night-of-the-living-dead photo of Shane Mac Gowan. Shane. Baby. They're called dentures. Get some!

The cats are currently fighting over napping rights on my bike messenger bag. Not sure why, but as of yesterday when I set it down on the couch, it has become the hottest ticket in the house. They claw at one another like a couple catty Real World girls for a chance to lounge on velcro and nylon.

Top Five Recommended Items (from readers) for Additions to The Skelton Ranch:

1. Skate Ramp
2. Badminton net in back lawn
3. Sunken hot tub in the patio
4. A stripper pole in the great room!
5. Bear skin rugs in front of fireplace

July 05, 2005

Summer Dynamite
Best purchase from Portland came from the Adidas store where I scored these dragons on the cheap. Something about the old skool materials or the thin body of the shoe - I'm not sure, but lacing them up for the first time took me back to buying sneakers as a kid at Donalds on Payne Avenue in Saint Paul.

The second image comes from the CD insert for 600% Dynamite. I'm already in balls-to-the-wall reduction mode around the house in preparation for "Manifest Destiny: Journey Out West '05. Everything must go! I don't want to move shit. Garage Sale coming very soon. One of the boldest moves I've made so far is the entire elimination of all CD jewel cases. And boy were there a lot of them. About two years ago I took all my CD's out of the cases and put them in a catalog of easy to move 200 page CD books. But I hung onto the jewel boxes and liner notes. The thought of hauling all those boxes of empty plastic with just the back inserts overwhelmed me so I got a couple boxes like these, filled them with the CD inserts and then ceremoniously tossed the extra plastic refuse.

My apologies to all the artists who spent many hours painstakingly laying out the back CD tray art. Also, to those artists who went to the trouble to make special elaborate packaging and cardboard cases - all that shit went bye bye.

Now all of this is very well and good but does me not a lick of good when it comes to the thousands of LP's that must be moved. I ain't about to throw the record sleeves away. I'm pretty much doomed in this department unless some wiz kid over at M.I.T. can whip out a Teleporter by months end.

July Fourth around here consisted of watching the neighbors brother run around in the dark wearing dual head lamps and handling a propane torch to light fuses. Their firework extravaganza lasted about a half hour. The wind was blowing just right and our house was enveloped by a sulfuric blue cloud for about an hour. God Bless America!

July 03, 2005

A Frewing Wedding and A Skelton Ranch

What a difference a week makes. My best friend is married and Team Skelton now owns a home in Portland Oregon. It blows my mind just to write that.

We arrived in Portland last Friday. Friday night was a nice metal music tinged bachelor party for the Good Doctor. Even tho YOB called in sick to their performance at Sabala's, the evening was still full Metal. Saturday culminated in a small backyard BBQ groom's dinner. Sunday was the wedding day, a fine early morning affair up in the Southwest hills. The rain held out until 20 minutes after 3pm, just as the brunch style reception was wrapping up at the Portland Golf Club. Congratulations and cheers to both Amy and Dirk on their marriage.

By Sunday afternoon the misses and I were pretty wiped out from all the wedding festivities. We returned to Dirk and Amy's house, where we would be spending the next week house sitting as they enjoyed their honeymoon in Maui. Unfortunately resting was not in the cards for Team Skelton. You see, we had come out to Portland for two very specific reasons. They were: 1) celebrate the wedding of Dirk and Amy (done), and 2) buy a home in Portland Oregon (not done). With the celebrating and merriment fresh in our hearts and minds, we needed to now focus our energies on looking for, finding, and purchasing a house in Portland. We had one week to do so - starting Sunday night and ending the following Friday.

We rallied enough Sunday night to go poke around some neighborhoods and to look at listings online. We were warned and we were somewhat ready for an absolutely insane housing market in Portland. The reality of which set in fast as we quickly realized how much house we could afford and where we could and could not afford to purchase a home. By Monday morning we had a ton of listings from our realtor and from our own research to go scout out. We covered a ton of ground that day - Southeast, Northeast, Southwest; we were pilling on the miles to our rented Buick Rendezvous. We drove around until it was pitch black out and we couldn't see any of the houses anymore. Monday we were doing all drive-byes, getting a good feel for neighborhoods and the different styles of homes. There were a couple homes that we marked that we would try and get into the next day but we didn't see anything we were gaga over yet. At the end of Monday spirits were still high.

Tuesday we finally got together and met our realtor *Superstar*. We spent the bulk of the day going into homes in Southeast Portland. I quickly learned that one of the things that can immediately turn you off to a home is the smell. There are two kinds of smells that rank homes take on. One is sour and is produced by any bad combination of dogs, cats (and cat pee), other animals, human B.O., rotting food, smoke, and mold. The other is sweet and is usually produced by an ambitious realtor or homeowner who tries to mask the other scents of a home with an insanely overpowering air freshener. The end result of either of these is horrible gagging on the part of a potential buyer and the inability to look past your stinky-ass house! We encountered a lot of this. Other turn-offs included, huge terrible stains on rugs and window curtains, the absence of any appliances, large holes in sheet rock, stairs that were on an almost vertical incline, homes that had neighbors with cars and other assorted machinery parked in the lawn, and upper level floors that, at my height, were impossible for me to stand up straight in. Also a big turn off was about every house we looked at that was constructed after 1970. Especially the 80's. Seriously, what the fuck happened in the 80's? Vinyl siding and fake brass fixtures are the work of the Devil after he has snorted ten lines of coke and given you a lecture on the benefits of Reganomics.

Tuesday was a total bust. By the end of the day morale was sinking. Luckily we took a much needed break that night and powered up with friends over fresh delicious sushi. After an intense and long gorging, spirits were back up and resolve was returned to 100%.

Wednesday I felt was the make it or break it day. Our realtor warned us that not much else comes on the market after Wednesday so it was time for the heavens to shine down upon us. An early morning online check of the new listings saw two good possibilities in Southwest Portland. We decided to do a cursory drive by of these two properties before we headed down to the realtors office. We drove by and they both had a lot of potential. Excitement grew. We were just about to head to the realtor's office when she called and said a new listing had just popped up on Southwest Alfred Street- go drive by it. We did. At first I was skeptical, It looked newer, possibly 70's, and it looked like it might have vinyl siding. But it was in a very cute neighborhood. Their also wasn't a for sale sign up yet so we didn't know if we had the right place or not.

We drove down to the realtor to plan out the day. We thought it a good move to go back up to Southwest to look at the two we had driven by earlier in the day. The realtor asked about the Alfred house and we kinda said, 'maybe'. Then she said pictures of the Alfred house had just been posted. We took a look at 'em. We were into 'em!! It was actually built in 1957, the siding was wood. The pictures were very enticing. We decided that we would go look at all three houses but start with the Alfred house.

As we pulled up the Alfred house for the second time (around 11am) someone was just putting up the For Sale sign. We toured the house. It had a great open floor plan with nice vaulted wood ceilings and wood beams. For good and ill much of the home is in it's original state. Very mid-century modern. Built to allow a lot of interplay between the outside and inside. It was very bright and well lit with natural light. The upper level had hardwoods floors throughout. After about ten minutes we knew this was the house. It was better than anything we had hoped to find and it was within our price range. The realtor reminded us again that we had better move fast, this house wasn't going to last long. We were the first to look at the house but there would certainly be more coming by that afternoon. So we decided to not even go look at the other two possibilities and return to the realtors office to draw up an offer. At about 3:30pm the offer was complete and faxed over to the seller's realtor. Our offer expired at 9pm that night. Hopefully we would hear something before then. The waiting game began. We returned to Dirk and Amy's home and paced around the house and yard for about two and a half hours before our realtor called with the good news that the offer had been accepted!!!!!!!!!!! We shook our booties. There was even some high-fiving! Oh happy day. The house was ours! It wasn't even on the market for eight hours, which is about par for the Portland housing market right now. Our realtor also told us that there were multiple offers on the house that day but ours was first.

*Sigh*

And that was that. It took less time than we thought and we got a home that was truly a dream. Of course the house isn't ours yet...it still needs to pass an inspection and we have to get all the financing and stuff in place. I'm confident on all fronts but you never know. For now, I'm thinking only good thoughts.

With the housing situation wrapped up we actually got a chance to relax and hang out with friends for the rest of the week. If all goes according to plan we will close on the house July 29th. The hardwoods need to be refinished before we move in (the house is currently vacant), so our projected moving date will be sometime around mid-August. Whole. Eee. Crap. That means a lot of work to do in a very short period of time. Keep your fingers crossed for us. Hopefully you will be coming to visit us in the new Skelton Ranch. Flickr set photos of the Skelton Ranch. Google satellite map of property. Portland Map break down of the Alfred house.

By the by, Alfred Street has to be one of the worst street names ever. Also, we discovered architectural blueprints of the ranch in addition to tons of plans that were drawn out for additions to the house. All the plans were drawn up by a Portland Architect named Clive Kienle back in 1963, None of the additional builds were ever done. Some of those plans are included in the flickr photo set. I couldn't find anything online about the architect but I would love to track him down if he's still alive and talk about the house. Perhaps we'll be able to see the plans through to completion.