May 26, 2004

Jets Above Me
Something has changed at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. The flight patterns of the giant metal birds have been augmented today so they fly directly over my South Minneapolis castle. Usually most of the passing aircraft fly north of my house and at a safe enough distance that both sound and anxiety are kept at a safe distance. But today, they are flying low and straight over. I can almost read the flight numbers as they go by. The cats are not excited about this new turn of events.

When the planes aren't flying this close to the house I actually enjoy them. I've pretty much got my entire work day schedule timed to their consistency. There goes the NW 561 to San Francisco - time for Lunch. Is that the 4673 to Phoenix I hear? Must be time for my 3PM smoke break.

My favorite is Ted, United Airlines little spin-off company. The logo is so big, it's almost like a billboard in the sky. I definitely like Ted. Ted can pay a visit whenever he wants. He seems to be much quieter than his other airborne compadres. I also have aerosite (an airline logo directory) bookmarked so that I can keep tabs on the other hooligans that pay a visit.

May 22, 2004

I'm Not Drunk - I'm LCing
Watching the Timberwolves get quashed and maimed last night by Kobe and his crew of pillagers and giants was more then I could stand. Surely we can do better than that?! I threw a gallon of vitriolic laced polemic tone poems at the cathode squawk box and still my voice couldn't raise the high-step in our defense nor add glue to our offensive hands.

As things began to unravel for our home team, a perfect storm of rage and ridiculousness began settling in around me. I could feel a violent tide rising in the bar. The crimson stools were beginning to feel waxy. The beer tasted skunky and faded. The air was aromatic with the unpleasant smell of hard grease, and kitchen fires. All this. . .and then I saw an advertisement pop up on the screen for Skyy Sport Low-Carb Malt Beverage. I went off. Like off off. That was too much. A nutritious malt-beverage? Please. Maybe it's just me but this kind of bold-face shameless race to the bottom of health and hedonism is disgraceful. You can't have it both ways America. What's next? Low-carb Cigarettes? And just what makes Skyy Sport Low-Carb Malt Beverage so damn sporty? Should you be substituting this wonderful elixir for Gatorade the next time you play a vigorous round or badminton? "My that's a sporty beer you're drinking there Tom." "Thanks, Bob, it's low-carb too."

The good folks at Skyy must be listening to that old Dead Milkmen song, "You'll Dance to Anything" and replacing 'Buy' for 'Dance to' every other stanza. I actually did a little research on this Skyy Sport Low Carb foolishness and found that each bottle contains 15 grams of carbs. Roughly, that's the equivalent of a whole six-pack of Michelob Ultra. So there you go. Don't ever let them say that ol' Afrojet ain't looking out for your health and well being. We all have a job to do. Go wolves.

May 21, 2004

Scooter Du
Reading Bob Mould's Blog, I ran across this funny little Sooter Du event happening here in Minnesota later this summer. I know nothing about the scooter scene here in the Twin Cities but it looks pretty cool.

Meet my new best friend. We've been spending a great deal of quality time together. I'm going to make stickers that say "I love to shred". Sometimes I have these day dreams where I'm working as like the head shredder guy at the State Department and I run around to all these huge industrial shredding machines feeding the monster its classified lunch. Seriously satisfying work. Sometimes, if I get an e-mail that really pisses me off, instead of just deleting it, I'll print it out just so I can shred the bitch. My shredder lives on a steady diet of passive aggressive e-mails. My new thing is redefining font sizes and line-heights of certain documents so that when shredded the cascading ribbons that end up in the basket can be removed and then repositioned to form prose of real interest. Result vary but these things feed the soul.

R.I.P. Elvin Jones. An absolute monster on the skins. I just got Grant Green's Matador from the library this week and was marveling for the millionth time at E.J.'s mastery of color and texture. Sad news.

May 20, 2004

Win or Go Home
Watched the Kevin Garnett Show last night. That kid is such a crushing talent, an absolute powerhouse of a man. His intensity on the court is so visceral. He makes all other toys on the court look like small wobbly children. I saw a lot of the players on both teams rooted to the paint, watching in anticipation of what he would do next. I think even a non-basketball fan could watch KG's steely ferocity and get a dose of inspirado from his passion and fierce work ethic. Damn glad they won that game seven. Now we all get a chance to see more of the KG Show as they take it to Shaq and Kobe. The announcers were all concerned about KG only having a day of rest before going up against the Lakers on Friday, but the guy is so in the zone right now that I bet he wishes he was playing tonight. HardCore.

I caught some of that Colonial House show on PBS. Anybody else watching this thing? Premise: a group of 21st century peeps go kick it 1968 colonial style for four months and see if they can hack it. It's a reality T.V. show but it's pretty good television. My favorite thing about it is how the appointed mayor of the colony gets to hand out these 'scarlet letters' to offenders of colonial law. Unfortunately, the shows not hardcore enough to dole out the serious corporal punishments that would have been mandatory back in the day. If they did that then no one would be left on the show for they all would have been burned at the stake. I'm thinking we need to bring back the scarlet letter system except make it more democratic. Are you with me? Everybody gets a fat stack of four inch high Helvetica Bold letters that they may slap on any modern day offender. Points awarded for creativity. If someone gets tagged with a letter they may not protest and must wear the letter for a 24-hour period. And hell, the application shouldn't be limited to humans, you should be able to slap them on Gas-guzzling, eco-destroying Hummers, bad architecture, my neighbors yipping dog that barks incessantly throughout the day. Fuck, I'd probably break my printer producing enough letters to heap upon that damn dog. So if you see me coming your way and I've got a handful of stickers in my hand you better watch what you say and do because the benevolent dictator has returned!

May 17, 2004

Historical Pause
A relaxing weekend. Golfing was planned for Saturday but the frigid temperature in the air made going to a see a movie a better idea. So we went and saw Kurt Russell do his his Herb Brooks impersonation in Miracle, the story of the US Olympic Hockey team in 1980. Good movie. They do this great job of having the actual AL Michael's play by play dubbed over the acting hockey sequences. Obviously you know the outcome of the game but it was still suspenseful. There was one old guy in the theater who was so into it that he would applaud and get all excited whenever the USA Team would score against the robotic Russian team. He was definitely reliving some cold war memories. Also some nice props to Jimmy Carter in the movie. The film highlights the speech he made about the lack of American confidence and uses it as a backdrop upon which the achievements of the USA Team seem very important and hopeful.

Sunday was a good day for reading. The Good Doctor turned me on to The Devil in the White City, by Erik Larson. Huge book. I wish I didn't have to work today and could sit back and finish it. The book is a thoroughly researched epic historical account of the 1893 World's Fair in Chicago. It highlights two intense story lines, that of the Director of Works of the World's Fair, famed skyscraper architect, Daniel H. Burnham and the crazed Dr. H. H. Holmes who went on a serial killing spree during the Fair. The sure grittiness of industry and city-spirit are captured very lyrically by Larson and you get a keen snapshot of Chicago's turn of the century physical and mental landscape. Great side stories about Louise Sullivan, Frederick Law Olmsted, and Marshall Fields are tucked into the corners of this book.

The whole premise of the cultural fair is fascinating. Essentially the whole idea for the World's Columbian Exposition of 1893 was born from leading brains of the time that were upset by France's World Fair and their damned Eiffel Tower which had dwarfed any American structure. The cultural war was on and the American's set out to prove that no one puts on a World's Fair like we do. Especially not the French.

I must say that it's far more impressive to watch a cultural war go down, one where the key soldiers are architects and landscape designers, than it is to watch a modern day occupying Iraq war. We need to get the hell out of that quagmire and return our attention to whipping the worlds butt in such things as building gardens, building amazing cities and beautifully constructed urban spaces. That's a friendly and worthwhile battle I could get behind.

May 12, 2004

Bonus Baseball
More great baseball at the Metrodome last night. A come-from-behind rally, extra innings, a dramatic finish. The evening had more drama then The Godfather part II. You couldn't ask for more in a ballgame. Well you could. You could be watching it in an outdoor stadium and you could ask for a higher caliber fan base. I'm sorry but of the total attendance (approx 17,000) I'd say only a third of 'em stayed to watch the final episode. In fact I'd say about half the stadium left after the Twins went down four runs in the bottom of the eighth inning. Then, even after the Twins rallied back to tie the game and send it into extra innings, about another 4,000 fans decided to leave - just as things were getting interesting! I poop on all those fans. Do these people go to movies and walk out 10 minutes before the credits? Do they read books but ignore the last chapter? Shock and Awe. And why is it that adult people turn into flagellate chimpanzee aliens when they realize they are up on the big screen ballpark television? I sat there totally vexed watching normal people go to pieces in the fraction of a second. You can see the wheels spinning when they see themselves displayed for all. Their first thought is, "Ohmygosh, I'm on stage. I should do something clever and irreverent yet completely remarkable and relevant. I should give the people something that will become legendary. Something everyone will talk about around the water-cooler tomorrow. Finally my big shot. My big moment!" Then, sadly, the search for inspirado fails - dies and falls to the ground to be crunched under foot like so many peanut shells - all that's left is a surrealistic spasm of nonsuccess danced out for all to see.

Driving home I heard yet another commercial on WCCO that I feel I must share with you. The products that get pushed during Twins games are exciting and completely relevant to my lifestyle. I must be the bulls-eye at the center of their demographic dart-board. This one's called VIBE and I actually had to go to their website this morning to find out what it was because the commercial sucked me in with all the vitality and promise of the product but never actually explained what the product was. Turns out VIBE maximizes my Negative Field Activation absorption, which is just totally what I fucking need right now. Shit, I could have really used this stuff down in sponge town. If you're not like me and you don't keep up on Negative Field Activation trends allow me to enlighten you with a word for word copy lift from their site:

As a part of the VIBE™ manufacturing process, a special negative magnetic field design at multiple times the strength of the earth’s own magnetic field is used.

and. . .

Water normally has polar bonds, which in the presence of a negative field, are manipulated and changed by that field – it is a process that “structures” and further purifies the water. This results in water that has unique characteristics to include being more fluid, being a better solvent, and having pH characteristics are different. In fact, water processed with Negative Field Activation becomes alkalizing due to its propensity to pull oxygen into the cell. This further results in a state where minerals in solution are ionized more fully and are transported into the body cells more efficiently.

May 11, 2004

It's Catching Up
The deadlines and pixel pushing still hound me and leave me with little time for posting. The top photo is of a Mardi Gras Indian dancer taken by Peter at JazzFest and the bottom one I took while strolling through my mother's garden on mom's day. Those costumes the Mardi Gras Indians wear are a product of much money and love but can you imagine performing in that outfit when it's 90 degrees outside? That's punk rock.

My 31st birthday is rapidly approaching, and I'm really looking for someone to buy me a star through the International Star Registry. I first heard about this in an advertisement that came on the radio between the top and bottom half of the seventh inning (Twins versus Seattle) last week. Check out the Shining Star Dolls and star naming kit:

This Shining Stars Doll was born in the sky. It's dressed in a lavender, pink, or blue, star-shaped bunting with adorable glow-in-the-dark pajamas and a hairbrush. And it even comes with a real star in the sky that you can name. Everything you need to name your star with the International Star Registry is included. The star naming kit contains a map showing the location of your star and a naming card you can complete and send to the International Star Registry. Once you name your star, it's yours to wish upon forever. Doll measures approximately 16 inches tall.

May 06, 2004

No Sleep: Hit the Ground Running
Ok. Contrary to the internet rumor mill, I am neither dead nor wheelchair bound. I am in fact in full control of my functionaries and putting my root down back in the Northern Plains. In the battle of Earth versus New Orleans, Earth is starting to make a comeback. Unlike my damn horse, Lion Heart, who ran out of smoke in the final leg of the Derby and left me broke and with a broken hat, I am beginning to make a solid comeback. Curse that horse. It should be renamed, Pussy Fart and made into glue.

As fine a time as had in Nawlins, it was an ill conceived (in so many ways) vacation, especially with regard to my workload. I returned Tuesday morning to a virtual and physical Inbox loaded with too many "to-do" items marked with a bright crimson 'urgent' stamp. It was enough to make me want to take a giant nap. So this is the cause and curse of my absence. I trust I will soon be able to extinguish this firestorm of chore and obligation (where is that vomiting pink elephant when I need him?) and return to some more regular action up on these pages. Perhaps I can even find time to post some more photos. They're definitely worth checking out.

Did I tell you I have Tulips in my backyard. I finer homecoming I could not have written. Earth - I missed you.